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My husband and I have a less-than-perfect marriage.
This surprises me. Because I had grown up to believe that I would have the perfect romance, marry the perfect man, and then skip on to the perfect marriage with my perfect husband who would meet my every need.
After all, isn’t that what happened in all the movies?
The truth is, I had unrealistic expectations for marriage. Here’s the truth: there is no perfect marriage!
We are all married to imperfect people.
And we ourselves have so many imperfections that we couldn’t have a perfect marriage, even if we tried.
So in light of Valentine’s Day–that dreamy holiday where we celebrate those perfect relationships–I wanted to do a podcast on what to do if you don’t find yourself in the perfect relationship!
(Hint: that includes all of us except for those who have only been dating for 2 months or married for two weeks.)
Rather than give my own tips, I’ve joined forces with my friend Ngina Otiende who blogs about marriage at her blog, Intentional Today, and has also published a great new book on marriage called Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years .
If you want to give yourself (or a loved one) a Valentine’s Day present, Ngina’s book would be a great gift. It’s full of wise, practical, and biblical advice with lots of personal examples. I wish I had had her book when I first got married.
Here is a link to it: Blues to Bliss: Creating Your Happily Ever After in the Early Years .
Four Tips for Improving Your Marriage
In this podcast we’ll be talking about four things you can do (note: I didn’t say, “make your spouse do!”) to not just tolerate your imperfect marriage, but to thrive in it! To listen on iTunes: click here
Here are the tips we’ll be talking about:
- Get rid of unrealistic expectations.
- Work on changing yourself, not your spouse.
- Develop an attitude of thanksgiving.
- Learn to rely on God to get your emotional needs met.
Also, here is a great video by Francis Chan on marriage. If I remember right, it also has good content for single people: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihRmM0aVADU
If you’d like to work on going to God to get your emotional needs met, here is a book full of conversation starters that will help you with that: The Renewing of the Mind Project.
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Eager to listen to the podcast and pursue some of your recommendations. Although I love Disney for the imagination nuturing…I regret the way most of his stories/films feed the unrealistic expectations in hearts and homes. Thanks again, Barb, for encouragement in real life with true Grace.
Yes, those movies are fun to watch, but they do give us unrealistic expectations for life if we’re not careful.
I enjoyed Ngina’s book and wish I’d had it before I’d wed too!
Happy Valentines Day, ladies!
God bless you both.
Happy Valentines Day to you too, TC!
Thanks TC! And you too!
Thanks for having me Barb, had so much fun!
I had fun too, Ngina – it’s always so great visiting with you. :)
Barb and Ngina, very helpful interview – even for us guys, haha.
I think Ngina made a huge point when she said that what you focus on tends to grow. That’s the one marriage tip that has been really helpful for me. Focus on the positive instead of the negative, and it tends to change the way I react to my wife.
I thought that was a great tip as well, Loren – she had so many great tips I feel like I have to listen to it again and take notes!
Great stuff you guys. There’s too much pressure out there to be “perfect” and have this perfect marriage.
I agree, Dave – much better to just sit back, relax, give grace, and enjoy.
Excellent!!
Thanks, Betty!