Today I’m happy to have a guest post by a blogger friend, Caleb Suko. Caleb just published a helpful book on worry called, What If: How to Kill Worry and Anxiety Before They Kill You. This is a slightly modified excerpt from his book.
Sometimes worry can be difficult to identify in our life. This is because we often feel like worry is something good! We believe that if we love our child, then we should worry about them, we think that worry over a loved one’s safety is justified and even proof of our love for that person.
It’s easy to ignore and justify our worry, even if it has grown into something so large that it occupies most of the space in our mind and negativly affects the way we live.
So how can you know when your worry has spiraled out of control and become and unhealthy thought pattern in your life? I suggest that you learn to diffrentiate between what I call “healthy concern” and “unhealthy worry.”
Healthy Concern vs. Unhealthy Worry
I like to use the word “concern” to convey the positive aspects of focusing on a potential problem with the intent to solve it in a beneficial way. On the other hand, I use the word “worry” to convey the negative aspects of fretting over the future. I have found that God’s Word also gives us a similar dichotomy.
In the New Testament the Greek word “merimnah” is often traslated as “worry” and sometimes “anxiety” when it’s used in the negative sense. This is the case when Jesus says, “Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?” (Matthew 6:25 NKJV)
However when the same Greek word is used positively, it is often translated “concern”. This is the case when Paul writes to the Philippians about Timothy’s concern for them. “For I have no one like him, who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare.” (Philippians 2:20 ESV)
Below I list least three other passages in the New Testament that use the word “merimnah” in a postive way and the general meaning of the word in those texts.
- Attention and care for your spouse. (I Cor. 7:32-35)
- Focus on serving the Lord. (I Cor. 7:33-34)
- Love and concern for other members of the church. (I Cor. 12:25)
One of the first things that immediately becomes clear as we look at the positive side of the term “merimnah” is that it indicates an unselfish and others oriented focus. It shows genuine care and concern for others and for the Lord.
Genuine concern and care for others is an attribute that we must cultivate in our lives. When we begin to exhibit this kind of positive concern, it naturally helps us to overcome the negative aspects of worry and anxiety.
Let’s look at the differences between genuine concern and worry.
| Characteristics of Concern | Characteristics of Worry |
| 1. Focused on others. | 1. Self-centered |
| 2. Motivates us to serve. | 2. Puts up barriers that keep us from serving |
| 3. Promotes constructive action. | 3. Often paralyzes us. |
| 4. Welcomed by others (most of the time). | 4. Not welcomed by others. |
| 5. Driven by love. | 5. Driven by fear. |
| 6. Goal is to help. | 6. Doesn’t have a goal. |
| 7. Strengthens relationships. | 7. Tends to weaken relationships. |
| 8. Tempered with faith. | 8. Overwhelms faith with doubt. |
One of the most striking differences between these two uses of the word “merimnah” is the fact that genuine concern is always focused on others, but worry is not! In fact, worry is one of the most selfish activities that we can engage in.
When genuine concern crosses over the line and becomes worry, it ceases to be motivated by love and instead is motived by fear. When fear becomes the main motivator, the concern is no longer the well-being of the other person, but rather a desire for control and safety.
In tough times, genuine concern asks, “How can I help you?”, but worry asks, “What will I do if something happens to you?” Can you see the shift in focus from “you” to “I”?
How can you know if you have crossed the line from genuine concern into the realm of worry? For starters, I’d suggest taking a look at the eight characteristics of worry that I just gave. If one or more of these factors tend to describe your thinking, then your concern might be turning into worry. If three or more describe you, then you are most likely engaging in worry.
We ought to be concerned about those we love but we should never let that concern grow into a destructive fear. With God’s help we can focus our attention and our concern on others in a way that is both helpful to them and healthy for our mind!
Note: Caleb and his wife Christina are missionaries in Ukraine and live there along with their five children. If you’d like to get in touch with Caleb, he blogs at sukofamily.org.
Caleb, This is excellent. Thanks for this clear understanding of worry vs. concern. We continue to pray for you, your family, and the people in Ukraine.
You’re welcome Deb! Thanks for your prayers!
Thought this was very interesting.
However, when a family member has an addiction, and they have not hit bottom, how can I help (enabling) is the worse thing you can do for them.
Loving them, praying for them, letting them reap their consequences, forgiving them, detaching in love, and letting go, and getting busy with your own life is the best thing you can do for them as well as yourself.
Yes, a lot of times people don’t want our help and even if they do we can enable them if we help them too much.
Caleb,
My prayers for safety for you and your wife and 5 children in Ukraine!
Thank you! We appreciate the prayers!
Excellent thoughts here Caleb, your book is wonderful. The reminder that worry is just a manifestation of my desire for control and safety clarified everything on a whole new level. Barb, thanks for hosting!
I agree, Ngina, it was a great book. I’m also noticing that perfectionism also ties into my desire for control – for me it’s often the physical manifestation of worry, at least when it comes to my writing.
This was a well needed post. I know about the crippling power of worry. If we allow it, worry will hold us hostage from living our best life.
I like the way you put that, Bernard – so true! One of my biggest problems with blogging has been worrying about what people think. I’m getting over it now, and it’s a much more peaceful way to live life. :)
I am glad you stopped worrying about what people think. You post excellent content. Keep doing what you do and bump what others think.
Well, I wouldn’t say I completely stopped worrying. :) But I’m getting drastically better! Thanks for the encouragement.
Loved those 8 distinctives, they really crystallise how to define what worry is (and what it isn’t) as well as what it does.
I feel the same way, Micah. Just seeing how Caleb distinguishes between the two of them makes me want to stop worrying.
Wonderful post Caleb!!! There is a huge difference between worry and concern. I’m often misunderstood with my wife between being concerned or worried, she thinking I’m worried when I’m really concerned about something, I’ve never had a proper word for how I was feeling until I read this post. Now I can say I’m not worried but concerned. Thanks for this post!
I liked that distinction too, Dan. Had never thought of it that way before.
:)
Thank you for your article on worry vs. concern it has helped more than you know.
Will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
So glad the article was helpful, Otha. And thank you for keeping Caleb and his family in your prayers!
Can you be concerned about yourself? For example, high blood pressure causes concern which motivates you to lose weight and lower it.
I definitely think it’s okay to be concerned about high blood pressure and work to lose the weight which will help to lower it. I just looked at the chart and see what you mean since it says “focused on others.” But I agree and I think Caleb would too that we can have concern for ourselves as well and it can motivate us to do something God wants us to do. Worrying about high blood pressure without doing anything about it would be less helpful – especially when there are things we can do!