Imagine this. You’ve been married for 23 years. You have a house, a dog, two cats, and three kids. You know your spouse like the back of your hand.
That’s why it hurts so much the day he says, “I’ve had an affair. Will you forgive me?”
You rant and you rave. You cry and obsess. But in the end, you decide to forgive him. You’ll stay in the marriage on one condition: we’re going to a counselor.
For once in his life, he agrees.
The day for counseling arrives, and you show up five minutes early. The counselor shows you into his office, and you spill your guts. He listens to you, sets down his pen, leans forward, and says,
“I think I have a solution. I want you to have another marriage ceremony. Maybe your husband didn’t really mean it when he committed to you the first time. Renew your vows and try to do better next time. That should do the trick.”
Sliding his chair away from his desk, he charges you a hundred bucks and shows you to the door.
Another Trip to the Altar
What would you think? Would you be happy with his solution? Would you agree that one little trip to the front of the church to repeat some vows would do the trick?
I think most of us would feel like we just wasted our money.
We’d want something more concrete than another trip to the altar. A list of things to do, perhaps: Go on dates. Communicate. Set boundaries. Pray together.
We could think of lots of ideas of ways to improve the marriage—and another trip to the altar wouldn’t be one of them.
The Altar Call
Yet one of the main responses to sin in the evangelical community is this: Walk to the front. Confess your sin. And try to do better.
No one says it, but it’s implied, “Maybe you really didn’t mean it the first time. Maybe that’s why you’re having all these problems with idolatry and sin.”
Here’s the problem with that approach: First, it implies that a commitment automatically produces transformation. This isn’t true. Romans 12:2 tells us we’re transformed by the renewing of the mind. Not by recommitting our lives to Christ.
Second, it implies that there’s something wrong with us if we feel like sinning and worshipping idols. Of course we feel like sinning. We’re sinners. Of course we feel like worshipping idols. That’s been happening since the beginning of time.
Love is an Action
The problem isn’t that we feel like sinning—it’s that we’re not doing anything about it. We’re sitting there waiting for God to change us because, after all, we went forward.
If we want to get rid of our idols and put God first in our lives, we need to work at it (Jeremiah 29:13). That doesn’t take away from grace—it merely shows our appreciation of grace.
A great relationship goes beyond commitment into loving each other on a day-to-day, situation-by-situation basis. God says to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
One of the ways we love Him well is to put some concerted effort into getting rid of our idols. These are the steps we’ll be talking about in future posts:
How to Break Free from Idolatry
Click on each of the steps below for a post on the subject.
- Identify your idol: take the “Do you have an idol?” quiz.
- Become convinced that your idol has to go.
- Make a commitment to:
- Set boundaries. (For another post on this topic, click here.)
- Renew your mind whenever you feel like breaking your boundaries.
- Get an accountability partner to hold you accountable to the renewing of your mind.
- Hope in God rather than in your idol. (The link on this one goes to a Bible study I posted long after I wrote this series that’s about hoping in God rather than in getting what you want, but it’s a Bible study that could also work for giving up your idol.)
If you’d like help with the renewing of the mind, here is another resource: The Renewing of the Mind Project (published 2/4/2015).
Question: How is idolatry like adultery? How is it different? How would you get over idolatry in a way that would be similar to getting over adultery?
Image courtesy of Timeless Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Wonderful post Barb! God calls idolatry adultery often in the Bible. You gave us a wonderful visual to help us wrap our brains around it. May I put my love for the Lord into action today! Blessings!!
I love the way you phrased that, Deb, and I pray the same prayer: May I put my love for the Lord into action today. Even when it’s hard!
The biggest idol we have is “self” which is the cause of adultery or other sins. Satan got Eve to think about self instead of God. Renewing our mind daily with the Word of God is the tool to overcoming idolatry. It brings conviction, restores our relationship with God and hope. Great post Barb, will be back for future post on this subject.
That is so true, Betty – Renewing our mind with the Word of God is crucial. Your comment made me think of Psalm 119. I love the three things you pointed out that the Word does for us. Three very different things. Hope is an interesting one, but so true, that’s exactly what it does.
Sorry Barb, I realized when I re-read what I posted I seen I did not follow through with my thoughts on hope. The Word gives us hope when we fail. God penned His dirty laundry for all to read so we could have that hope. I love the fact that God aired His dirty laundry of the people He used in the Word, I can draw hope from all of them.
Yes, that’s so true. I hadn’t thought of that. It always makes me feel better reading about those Old Testament guys. The Word also gives me hope because it tells me I don’t need to rely on my own feeble strengths – and also because there is so much power in the Word itself. I can use it as a weapon in spiritual battles. All that gives me hope!
Excellent Post Barb. I liked what you said about taking action. We think as Christians that God is going to automatically keep the idols away from us. We think we can keep messing with idols and get away with it. The scriptures say, ‘be sure your sins will find you out.’ We have to work to get rid of our idols and stop waiting on God to do it. We work by staying away from undesirable situations, running in the opposite direction of sin, escaping temptations, acting on God’s Word, squashing lustful and contrary thoughts when the first surface and building solid accountability partners. I wrote a post several months ago that struck a nerve with people titled, ‘Stop Waiting on God’ (http://leadtoimpact.com/stop-waiting-on-god/) God has already given us the victory over idols, but He is waiting for us to act upon it. The steps you gave to break free from idolatry takes committed and consistent action, not just another trip to the altar.
Wow, Bernard. I love all these concrete ideas. They are so great. I tried to click on your link and it just went to a list. Is there any way you can check it and add a new link?
See will this work. http://leadtoimpact.com/stop-waiting-on-god/
That works – and it’s a great post. Thanks for sharing. Loved your example of Jesus telling Peter to put his nets out during the day.
One phrase kept coming to mind as I read your post: Replace good with bad. In other words, if we are to remove an idol we must replace it with something. If we don’t, the idol or something worse will come back as a replacement. That’s why your questions can be so helpful. We must have our minds renewed continually. We must find a way to get rid of the bad and replace it with good, with Jesus. Not sure if that’s exactly what you were getting at, but it’s what came to my mind.
That’s so true, Kari – thank you for bringing that up. If we merely get rid of the idol without developing the habit of going to God for help or satisfaction, we’ll just look for a new idol to replace it with. In a sense, the boundaries are there to keep us from going to our idol for help and to show us when we need to go to God for help.
“Of course we feel like sinning. We’re sinners!” So simple yet profound! The church acts like sin is an option and when someone has a different sin than them, they tend to look down their noses at them… not being able to see past the plank in their eyes that is blocking clear vision of course.
The only way to fight our natural fallen nature is to seek in our mind, heart, and soul, to “draw nigh unto God,” as you well stated.
Idolatry and adultery is loving anything more than our Father who gives us life. Anything else is a celebration of our weakened flesh. The act of confession is an honorable thing, if the weakness isn’t battled daily by God’s presence and our seeking… well… see you next week…
Yes, I’m afraid we haven’t gone too far from New Testament times in rating sins – we just have different sins on the acceptable list than they had. I suppose that’s why it’s so important to see God with our minds, our hearts, and our souls – an all out effort. As we evaluate the things we’ve grown up believing – that are so much a part of who we are – and give up anything that doesn’t match up with Scripture, we’ll start being a better reflection of His love and grace.
As i read through the post, especially the latter part, a word came to mind: intentionality.
All too often we want change but sometimes never anticipate the effort and stretch that comes with it. I know i was guilty of that thinking pattern especially in my early days of faith. I thought that if God wanted me to be a certain way, I’d automatically want to be that way (meaning I’d never have to fight my flesh or feel tempted)
Of course that’s not the true picture and i really struggled then and often gave up and gave in to fear and despondency. it’s still something i have to watch out for and I think that’s why I gravitate towards intentional growth (my blog theme). Am not perfect at at (far from it) but having that revelation in mind helps me keep going when i feel like despairing and giving up on the hard stuff.
Am looking forward to more posts on this!
That’s so interesting, Ngina. I used to think the same thing about writing – that if God wanted me to write, He’d give me the desire. And that it would be easy. But He has a habit of asking people to do things they don’t want to do. I’m thinking of Moses, Jonah, and even Saul which surprised me when I was reading about it today. I love the name of your blog because it reminds me to use my time intentionally which God has been trying to teach me to do this year. Thanks for sharing your insights, Ngina.
The comparison of idolatry to adultery is very apt. I think identifying the idols is the first step and often the step that we stop at. It’s hard to identify those idols because we love them so much and don’t want to admit that they are really idols. For me it is helpful to talk with a trusted friend and ask them what idols they might see in my life.
That’s a great idea. Usually our good friends (and family) know us well enough to be able to point out our idols. I posted a quiz just a couple of posts ago that I’ve also used to discover my idols.
Wow…thought provoking questions and analogy.
First thing that popped into my head is the trouble with convincing yourself an idol (or affair) has to go. We have to see it as bad, as hurting ourselves and others…but our flesh comes up with quick and easy rebuttals for keeping our idols (or an affair going- and having an idol is having an affair on God).
Next thing I thought about was how to get over adulatory…I think part of it is grieving on many different levels.
Grieving the lost relationship with Christ.
Grieving is also about letting go, so in a since you are grieving the loss of the idol even as you embrace a closer relationship with Christ. We are to die daily to ourselves as we take up our cross- that in and of itself means it can be painful. So letting go of an idol, is letting go of part of ourselves and moving away from it. That can be sad, but as with real grief, once we move past the pain, we can begin to heal/grow.
I’m rambling…sorry. I’m not sure this is making sense so I’ll stop. I have more thoughts going through my head that I need to take to God.
Thanks for the thought provoking post.
You’re totally making sense, and I’m so glad you brought up the grief aspect because I hadn’t thought of that but it’s a huge part of it. I’ve know two people who had affairs – they both broke it off and stayed with their spouse, but for both of them, one of the hardest parts was letting go of the affair person (I’m guessing there’s a better term). They grieved the loss of that relationship – and that’s definitely true of idolatry, as well. I’ve talked to a number of people who grieved the loss of food when they started giving it up.
And I agree, one of the hardest things is seeing that the idol is bad – especially when it’s a socially acceptable idol that most people don’t even see as an idol and that isn’t a sin in its non-idol state.
Thanks for your thought-proving comment, TC – glad to have you bring up those issues!
Glad it made sense! Sometimes I just start rattling stuff :)
I think it’s really hard when the idol is something socially acceptable…for me that’s perfectionism and control issues. But those two things can keep me from trusting in God and relying on self. But when I surrender it to God, He can use those characteristics to make beautiful things that bring Him glory.
I actually thought of putting in that second point because of my own struggle with writing related idols, including perfectionism – I’ve realized that one of my biggest stumbling blocks is that I don’t really think it’s that bad. I’m really looking forward to exploring these issues – including what kind of boundaries we might put into effect for perfectionism.
Also, when I became a stay at home mom, I grieved my career- even though I was happy to leave it and LOVE my new “career”. I still had to let go of that part of my life. It was a short grieving process, but it was still a grieving process.
You offer so much wisdom here, Barb. I have had idols (like food) that I wasn’t able to break free of on my own. I had to go to the Groom and ask Him to break my love affair with it and He did. I’m looking forward to more from you on this issue!
I experienced the same thing with food, Melanie – which is nice because it helps me know it can be done in other areas.
Thanks for your honesty. Foid and family and self have been mine. Its wering me down.
~food
I know what you mean. Struggling with idolatry is NOT relaxing! It does wear you down. Praying God will help you with the struggle, Tiffany.
Idolatry and adultery are both sin, they both hurt our relationships (both with God and other people) each has it’s own consensuses. Since we are sinful and live in a sinful world we have to make sure we have a repentant heart and attitude. No matter how small or big the sin is. Great thoughts Barb!!!
Great observation, Dan. I hadn’t thought of that, but adultery hurts a bunch of relationships – with the spouse (obviously), but also with God because it’s a sin, and with others because it affects so many people. I like your emphasis on the repentant heart and attitude.
Glad to add to the discussion. Having a repentant heart is so important.
Hi Barb,
Found my way over here from a link at TC’s bar and grille :)
Great (if uncomfortable) post. Dan covered a lot of ground – I was going to say that not only are both sin, both are replacements for what should be our first love. Repentance is crucial.
TC’s bar and grille – I like that. :) Glad you stopped by. That’s really interesting that both idolatry and adultery are replacements for our first love – but you’re so right. Of course they are. As I read your comment, I thought, “Repentance! Why didn’t I add repentance to the list?” Repentance is always a part of the renewing of the mind for me so it didn’t occur to me to list it separately, but you’re right, it’s crucial – I’m including it in to my post tomorrow. Thanks for mentioning it.
You’re welcome :)
Credit Dan Black – he mentioned it first – and don’t mind me, but I’ll be adding your blog to my blogroll. Great stuff here! :)
Thanks, Rick.
Wow, this is powerful, Barb. Idolatry is just so ubiquitous it seems. That doesn’t mean it’s OK, of course. But it does highlight the pain that we are all facing, and the severity of the battle that we will have to fight all our lives against idolatry.
I agree with every thing you said. We have to be constantly on our guard. And it is painful to work through, but necessary.
While reading this I got light over an idol in my life that causes me so much grief in so many areas-the idol of the ideal (my ideal) marriage. I am sure I have a lot of other “thought idols” to demolish! Thanks so much for all your faithfulness in your own life. It shows here in the wisdom you have to share. It’s not just knowledge, but it has power to help others.
Hi Theresa, I think a lot of people have the idol of an ideal marriage – it’s hard not to when everyone is telling us we need to find our soulmate so we can be happy! So glad you found the blog post helpful and thanks for the encouragement about writing. I appreciate it!