Barb Raveling

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13 Questions to Ask Before You Give Advice

By: Barb Raveling

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Do you ever find yourself giving too much advice? I do. It’s one of those things I’ve wanted to change, but haven’t been able to.

So when I had to choose a renewing of the mind project to test out my new book, The Renewing of the Mind Project, I decided to do a “stop giving so much advice” project.

Do you ever give too much advice? I do. I wrote these questions to help me stop and think first before I give it!

I wrote the questions below to renew my mind with and they’ve really been helping.

If you struggle with giving too much advice, use these questions to renew your mind before you enter into situations where you think you’ll be tempted to give advice.

Since I have three adult kids coming home for Christmas, I’ll be using these questions a lot in the next week or two!

Advice Questions

  1. Why do you want to give this person advice?
  2. What kind of advice do you think you need to give him?
  3. Do you think this person already knows what you want to tell him?
    1. Yes: If so, why do you think he hasn’t acted on it?
    2. No: If not, how essential is it for him to have this advice on a scale of 1 to 10? (i.e. How bad will the consequences be on a scale of 1 to 10 if he doesn’t take it?)
  4. Have you ever given this person advice before? (If not, skip to #8.)
  5. How many times have you given this exact same advice?
  6. How did he respond to your advice the last time you gave it?
  7. How do you think he’ll respond this time, and why do you think he’ll respond that way?
  8. Do you think this person needs advice or something else? If something else, what does he need?
  9. On a scale of 1 to 10 what do you think the odds are that your advice will affect his actions? Why do you feel that way?
  10. What is your best chance for influencing his behavior?
  11. Is there anything you need to accept?
  12. How do you think God want you to handle this situation?
  13. Why do you think He wants you to handle it that way?

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Comments

  2. Loren Pinilis says

    These are great questions. When I’ve considered giving people advice on the fly, I may not have time to go through all of these questions. So it’s helped me to think is this advice loving, encouraging, needed, and useful?

    • Barb Raveling says

      Those are great considerations, Loren. Thanks for including that. I use the questions more when I’m going into a situation where I think I might be tempted to give advice. But I’ve used them often enough now that some of the questions pop into my mind right when I’m in the situation. You would probably use them more when your kids are a little older. :)

  3. Melanie Wilson says

    I absolutely love your questions, Barb. I like to give advice, too–my former profession comes into play. I would love it if you had questions for controlling the tongue. Will your new book address that??

    • Barb Raveling says

      You know, I’ve never thought of writing questions for that, but it would be interesting! Will have to think of it. It’s definitely a habit you could work on with the new book. For me, I’ve found that the only way I can control my tongue is to control the emotions and beliefs that are making me want to say something – so if I do the annoyance questions, I get rid of my annoyance and I don’t feel like saying anything anyway. This works better for me since I’m one of those people who often says what I’m thinking!

      • vern says

        Barb,
        11, 12, 13
        I sometimes pray that God would send people their way who would be more effective in speaking to the people. I tell Him that I would be glad to talk directly but please speak directly to this person through a dream, vision, etc. #11 I need to accept the fact that I might not be the only person involved in that person’s life IE There were a team of people involved in the life(healing) of Naaman. #12 Our pastor says that sometimes God gives us discernment only to pray for that person. #13 Being only one of many people involved in that person’s keeps me humble. I like one person says to others. “does that resonate in your heart”. If he says yes she continues.

  5. Betty Draper says

    I can’t say, Amen enough Barb. Yesterday I was with a group of ladies and one of them had this heavy burden on her. As she begin to share I like all the other ladies begin to form our advice. So when she finished we begin to give out…so much so she finally put her hands over her ears and cried, please no more. Weeping, she said, I’ve tried all you said…I’ve tried it…but I am drowning in this. At this point one of the ladies, just put her arms around her, we ‘ll gathered around her and prayed for her heart which was so broken. Barbara, this is great post, I just copied it and am going to share with both my bible study groups. Will be buying your book as a resource to give out and use in my life.

    • Barb Raveling says

      That’s a great story, Betty. I’m guessing she felt very loved by the time you guys all hugged her and prayed for her. I definitely understand as my impulse is always to solve the problem when I hear one – these questions are helping me do that less but I still have a ways to go. Thanks for sharing them with your Bible study groups – I appreciate it. My new book doesn’t have these questions in it – I’ve debated about putting them in, but I have so many questions already and these don’t seem to fit into any of the categories. I got a bit sidetracked over Christmas so the book probably won’t be out ’til sometime in February.

      • Betty Draper says

        Barb, I took your post and read it to my last night bible study. I also told the story about the women in my other bible study. All women were affected for the good by your post. In fact I am emailing it to everyone to re-read again at their request. Again, thanks.

  6. Micah says

    Some great, and sobering, pointers here. I tend to fall on the more reluctant end of the scale when it comes to giving advice but I can definitely find myself at the other end (as I did just a couple weeks back) saying stuff and thinking – why am I saying this? Am I doing this person any good? Is this even what they need to hear? I think it’s always a good thing whenever we’re challenged and reminded to reflect a little before speaking/sharing. 12 & 13 I think are especially useful – empathising with the other person, and seeking to discern God’s intent in things is always a good thing.

    • Barb Raveling says

      I wish I were on the more reluctant end, Micah. My life would be easier. :) And I agree about 12 and 13. I’m always better off when I stop to think about how God wants me to handle it. Another interesting question to ask is how Satan wants me to handle it. That usually wakes me up a little bit!