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How to Set Boundaries

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If you want to break a bad habit, the first thing you need to do is establish some boundaries. The boundaries should tell you two things:

  1. How often can you do your habit?
  2. How much of your habit can you do?

How Often

If your habit’s a sin, the answer to the first question is easy: never. If your habit isn’t a sin, it’s a little more complicated. It kind of depends on why you’re limiting your habit.

Do you spend too much time on it? Is it unhealthy for you? Does it control you? It is hurting your relationship with God and others?

Talk to God about it and see if you can come up with a good concrete goal. It might be a number goal: 2 times a week. 3 times a day. Once a month.

Or it might be tied to an event: I can check my blog stats the day after each post. I can eat whenever I’m actually hungry. I can get on the Internet only after I’ve finished all my homework for the day. I can’t work after supper.

How Much

You’ll also have to decide on how much time to spend on your habit, or with a habit such as eating, how much to eat. Here are a few questions you could ask yourself:

  1. How much time do you think God wants you to spend on this habit?
  2. What would be the best amount if you had the control to actually follow through with it?
  3. What’s the best amount for maximum benefit with minimum consequence?

If you’re dealing with a recreation or work habit, set a time limit: 30 minutes of television a day, 15 minutes of Facebook three times a day, one hour of writing a day.

If you’re dealing with an eating habit, limit the quantity in some way. You could count calories, carbs, or Weight Watcher’s points, or you could just eyeball the food before you sit down to eat and decide on a healthy amount (with the additional boundary of no second helpings). You could also look into hunger/fullness eating boundaries from sites like Thin Within.

Your Project

How to Set Boundaries for your HabitIf you’re trying to break a bad habit or sin, why don’t you take out your journal and spend some time talking to God about your boundaries and exploring some boundary possibilities?

Once you’ve established your boundaries, focus on renewing your mind whenever you break them – or even better, whenever you feel like breaking them.

P.S. For two other posts on this topic, click on these links: How to Set Boundaries to Break Free from Idolatry and Secondary Boundaries.

 

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Comments

  1. This is a deceptively simple but powerful start to our habits. We may unconsciously skip over this step, but we have to intentionally consider these issues. What does our desired state really look like?

  3. Thanks for the reminder. I think I sometimes keep thinking “my” boundaries are sufficient, but i haven’t prayed and asked God for specific goals (in terms of amount, number, etc…)… but I need to do that… TONIGHT! I need to do it and reevaluate at my boundaries and goals.

    • I think I need to do the same thing with my writing. So often I start different projects and then don’t finish any of them. My to-do list project has pushed me to at least write for a specific time on each project Monday to Friday, but I feel like I haven’t spent enough time praying about what God wants me to accomplish and writing down overall goals.

      • My prayers about writing have been very general. You know the “wisdom” request. I need to be more specific and then be a good listener. My prayers about my writing are now going to change. Oh, help me Holy Spirit! I feel even inadequate in this.

  4. This is very helpful for me. I’m trying to cut down on the amount of TV and social media I use so I can write and think more. Setting time limets is a great idea.

    Also I make sure to only check my traffic once a day, so I don’t become overly focused on my blog traffic.

    • Before I was able to correct the spelling and finish the comment, I pushed enter. So sorry about the miss spelled words.

      This was a great post.

      • Thanks, Dan. I’m still trying to get this whole social media thing figured out – how to do it (all the techy things plus just learning how to be a better writer), how to keep writing from taking over my life (which is funny since my old problem was how to force myself to write), and how much time God wants me to spend working on all of this. It seems like I have a lot of new temptations as a blogger that I didn’t have before I started blogging! Sounds like you are on the path to managing it all.

        • Yes I am. I try and spend more time writing and reading other blogs than focusing on my traffic numbers, social media, and the tech side of having a blog. Since God has called us to write so we can add value to others then our focus should be on writing not things that distract us. Though this is a challenge for me.

  5. Yes, that’s what I’m trying to figure out – how to focus on loving God and others through my blog without being distracted by everything else. I think it’s tricky. But I’m guessing it’s one of those things that gets easier with time. This is the first time I’ve been committed to blogging two or three times a week and had enough discipline in my life to pull it off for the long-term. I do have a friend (another blogger) holding me accountable to checking my stats just once a week.

    • I think that’s a major challenge every blogger faces. To spend more time writing valuable content rather than doing other things. I think Focus is essential!

      Great idea about having an accountability partner. I also have another blogger who I talk with over the phone or via email each week, so we can encourage and challenge each other.