Barb Raveling

Tips, Tools, & Bible Studies to Renew Your Mind

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How to Let Go of Regret and “If Only” – Option Charts

By: Barb Raveling

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Do you ever say, “If only I hadn’t messed up,” or “If only life were easier?”  “If only I had made a different choice?”  “If only I were more like so-and-so?”

let go of regret

So often we live in the land of “if only” and “I should have.” This is not a pleasant place to live.

Not only does this sap our energy and make us constantly discontent with life, it also keeps us from looking at our real-life options.

We spend so much energy thinking about what we should have done or what we wish life were like, that we have no energy left over to stop and think, “Okay, I can’t change reality, but what can I do?” And is what I’m currently doing, working?

If you struggle with regret and if only, an option chart will help you renew your mind. Since this is kind of a hard tool to describe, I’m going to try to be a real techy person and explain it in a recording.

Since this is the first time I’ve ever tried to put a recording on my blog and I’m not a techy person by any stretch of the imagination, let’s use my own trial today for example. First I’ll truth journal and then I’ll make an option chart.

Truth Journaling Example

Beliefs: 1. I can’t believe this is so hard. 2. If only I were more of a techy person. 3. Maybe I should do this later. 4. Or use a different example. This isn’t a very good example. 5. Maybe I should skip it altogether since it will be so hard to figure out. 6. Besides, I probably won’t be able to figure it out anyway.

Truths: 1. This is not surprising! Most techy things are hard in the beginning for me. Why should this be any different? 2. But I’m not, so I might as well accept it. God can use this struggle for good in my life. 3. I have been saying that for almost two years now. I could say that ’til the day I die. Let’s just get it over with. 4. Oh well. If I go for perfection, I’ll never get it done. Let’s just do this. 5. No, Barb. You want to do it. Get it done! 6. I bet I will!

Option Chart Example

Truthfully, just truth journaling would probably have been enough to make myself do this, but since this is supposed to be a post about option charts, I better continue on! Here are the steps to making an option chart:

  1. Put in the column headings. List what you want in the column headings. In this case I want a recording on my blog, but I also want an easy life. I also want a close relationship with God, so when I’m making my own option charts, I always include a “Relationship with God” column. But because I can’t fit three columns in the blog format and my main purpose of this post is to show you how to make an option chart, I’ll leave the “Relationship with God” column out of it.
  2. List what you really want: In this case, what I really want is for it to be EASY to put a recording on my blog.
  3. Cross out that option if it’s not a real-world option and write “NOT AN OPTION!!!” in huge bold letters to drill it into your head that this is not a real-life option so you might as well stop thinking about it!
  4. List some real world options. Try to include the ones you’ve been using.
  5. Evaluate each option by placing up and down arrows. Up if they’ll get you what you want. Down if it won’t.

A recording on my blog

The Fun & Easy Life
Get this recording on the blog (and write this post) in 15 minutes with little effort!!!

NOT  AN

 OPTION!!!!!!!!!!!
Give up: Just say, “I’m never going to put a recording on my blog because it’s too hard.”

↓

↑
Keep planning to do it but never get around to it.

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Beat myself up because I’m such an inept person.

 ↓

 ↓
Try to do it, but demand perfection!!

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Accept the fact that 1) this won’t be easy and 2) it may not be very good. Remember that life is about God and that 1) I should be willing to sacrifice for Him and 2) I don’t need a perfect recording because God loves me no matter what so that even if everyone in the world says, “Barb, this is a terrible recording!” God will say, “Who cares? Life isn’t about perfect recordings!”

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Audio for Option Chart Explanation

If you’d like to listen to my explanation of these charts, click on the play button at the top of this blog or below. The recording is 3 minutes 47 seconds in length, and surprisingly–after procrastinating this project forever–it took about 25 minutes to figure out and do!

 

What I always find when I do option charts—and you can do these for all areas of your life—is that I regularly do those middle options—the ones with all the down arrows. When I see what those options are doing to the rest of my life, it opens up my eyes to how crazy I’m being.

The option chart is a great way to renew your mind, especially if you’re dealing with regret or wishing life could be different. If you’d like to give it a try, click on this link for a blank option chart, or just draw your own in your journal: Option Chart.

Note: This wouldn’t really be a renewing of the mind (looking at life from a biblical perspective) experience unless you had a “relationship with God” column. I have a full explanation of the process with a relationship with God column in Freedom from Emotional Eating. 

Update: Here is another post with a relationship with God column: Christian Weight Loss: Is Fun and Easy Possible?

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Comments

  1. Kari Scare says

    You amaze me with your ability to put things like this into a process others can easily follow. This has to be helpful for those who want structure but don’t know how to increase it in their lives. Keep up the great work, Barb. You’ve really found a unique niche here.

    • Barb Raveling says

      Thanks, Kari. I’ve used these option charts with all sorts of things – I used to use this all the time for relationships. It took me quite a few years to realize I couldn’t change people, and these option charts helped drive that point home and be content and enjoy people in their “as is” condition.

  2. BlessingCounter - Deb Wolf says

    Wow Barb, I agree with Kari. You have a gift for taking the stuff that is rumbling around in our heads and giving it an organized plan of action. Yes, I have “if only” questions, but your “Not An Option” was really helpful for me. If onlies don’t change anything, they just eat at me. So with that in mind I will, by God’s grace, take those thoughts captive and do what I am able. Thanks for another great post!

  3. floyd says

    You really do have a gift for breaking things down into a simple formula which helps the basic understanding. Kinda cool hearing your real live voice! Nice job!

  4. TCAvey says

    So proud of you! You’re learning all sorts of techie stuff. I think this is a great recording and a very helpful way of motivating myself and renewing my mind. Thanks for sharing.

    • Barb Raveling says

      Lol, I’m proud of myself too. :) And it was so easy it makes me just want to be a podcaster rather than a blogger. :) Although I imagine it would be more work if you were a real podcaster.

      • TCAvey says

        You’re funny!
        I think satan often helps us build things up in our minds, like something will be too hard, so we won’t do it. But when we go ahead and try, we find it’s not so bad.
        Satan didn’t want you to have one more avenue for reaching people and helping them understand how easy it is to apply your method to their lives.
        You’re reaching people and making a difference! Good job.

  5. Bernard Haynes says

    Great job Barb. You have an excellent speaking voice. You encouraged me to work on recording my blogs and book.

  6. Ngina Otiende says

    Barb, I love how God works :) I did my first podcast interview last week. Aaaand i came away with lots and lots of “what ifs” and doubts. Just reading through your own chart has helped me tremendously. Ahh, I really love how God works! Thank you for working through your own challenge and sharing it with us here.