One of the biggest hurdles in breaking a habit is getting to the point where you’re willing to set boundaries with that habit. After all, what if you have the perfect opportunity to practice your habit and you have to miss out on it because of some pesky old boundaries?
Let’s face it. We want to keep our options open.
So how do we change? How do we get to the point where we’re willing to say, “Alright, I’m going to set some boundaries here. I may not be able to keep them, but I’m at least going to try.”
One of the things I’ve found helpful is to make a chart that lists the advantages and disadvantages of setting boundaries with my habit. You can make a simple advantage chart or an advanced chart.
Let’s begin with a simple advantage chart for developing the habit of eating within a certain set of boundaries (for the goal of losing or maintaining weight), then we’ll look at an example of a more advanced chart for having boundaries with a generic habit (for the goal of breaking or controlling the habit):
Simple Advantage Chart for Weight Loss or Maintenance
|
Advantages of Eating What-I-Want-When-I-Want (AKA Advantages of NOT Having Boundaries) |
Disadvantages of Eating What-I-Want-When-I-Want ((AKA Disadvantages of NOT Having Boundaries) |
| I get to eat what I want when I want!! | I feel bloated |
| I’m always craving more (and I don’t actually like craving). | |
| I gain weight. | |
| I get discouraged because I try to lose weight and can’t do it (because I’m eating what I want when I want). | |
| I feel hopeless. | |
| It affects my health. | |
| Nothing fits. | |
| It often leads to a binge (and I don’t enjoy bingeing). | |
| I’m not hungry at meals so I’m less inclined to make a healthy meal for my family. | |
| It often leads to depression, because I’m a person who usually wants far more than is good for me! |
As you can see by the chart, there are LOTS of disadvantages – and really only one advantage! So even though that one advantage is often packaged in something that is incredibly yummy, it’s still not worth eating without boundaries because of the many consequences.
We don’t believe that at the gut level, though, until we renew our minds. And making a simple advantage chart is one way to renew our minds. Let’s see what a more advanced chart would look like.
Advanced Advantage Chart for Habits
For this next chart, I tried to line up the advantage of having no boundaries (on the left side of the chart) with a corresponding disadvantage of not having boundaries. In some ways, there’s just one advantage—you get to do your habit whenever you want. But for this advanced chart, I listed that one advantage in different ways.
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Advantages of Keeping My Options Open (AKA – Advantages of NOT Having Boundaries) |
Disadvantages of Keeping My Options Open (AKA – Disadvantages of NOT Having Boundaries) |
| I get to do what I want when I want. (No boundaries to stop me.) | There are lots of negative consequences to doing what-I-want-when-I-want. And although I may get to control my choices, I don’t get to control the consequences of my choices. |
| I don’t have to use self-control. | The more often I say no to self-control, the more my habit will say, “All right. I’ll control you then.” And my habit does not have my best interest at heart. |
| I get a quick fix of excitement. | I get a lifetime of consequences: health issues, addictions, negative emotions (discouragement, self-condemnation, hopelessness, etc.), and missed opportunities because my habit is controlling me and taking up my time. |
| I can indulge my flesh. | It hurts my relationship with God because He tells me not to indulge my flesh (Galatians 5:13, 1 John 2:15-17.) |
| It’s a way to cope with life. | When I consistently go to my habit to cope with life, I’m in danger of making my habit an idol. When I go to God to cope with life, He strengthens me, comforts me, loves me, and matures me. I miss out on all that when I go to my habit. |
If you have a hard time committing to boundaries, I hope you’ll give it a try. When we see the consequences of not having (or following) boundaries and the benefits of following them, all of a sudden boundaries start to sound pretty good!
Note: This exercise is from Day 6 in Taste for Truth: A 30-Day Weight Loss Bible Study.
Coming soon!
Say Goodbye to Emotional Eating is now available for pre-order and it will be out on November 1, 2022. In addition to 60 pages of content that will help you break free from emotional eating, it also includes 100 renewing exercises, including several different advantage charts!
THANKS BARB!! SUCH GREAT IDEAS AND REMINDERS. I STILL NEED THEM!!!!EVEN THOUGH I AM SO FOCUSED I STILL NEED THEM!!!
Oh good, I’m so glad this was helpful, Maureen! So glad you’re feeling focused!
I have so many reasons not to follow my boundaries. But it really does all boil down to:. I want what I want when I want it. This is selfish on my fleshly part and if I want to be spiritual and be closer to God I need to let go of the idol (food) and die to myself and rise with Christ to a new life one where food is simply fuel.
Yes, so true, Jennifer. If only we could snap our fingers and get rid of our idols and put God first! I know I wish I could! I’m thankful He is a God of grace and a God that walks alongside us to help!
Amen!
I would like to join. My name is Debbie.
Thank you very mjuch for doing this.
After many years (since 1995) of maintaining a 70 ish pound weight loss initailly thru another weightloss bible study, I find my self now with an extra 14-16 lbs.
In fall of 2018 I had put on a couple of pounds, which occasionally would happen. I would tighten up my boundaries and the wieght would come off. But, I was what I call crashing then and did not know it.
In spring of 2019 I put on another 10-12 lbs. Sinking into a deeper depression. Which I have delt with most of my adult life, but not seeming to care.. MY WANT TO.. got up and went somewhere.
I have been praying for it to return… and be able to press on and press past this and move forward with consistent boundaries and balance.
I totally get the reason why now… ALTHOUGH, I HAVE BEEN STUCKHERE.
I turned 66 this year… all the post menopausal changes in my body.
I still work full time – thankfully,
Just a note: It would be very nice if the main font color light gray could be darkened. It’s very hard on the eyes to read as it almost blends into the white.
More website designers are doing this. I have tried to adjust the contrast, brightness ect… without success.
Hi Debbie, I’m glad you’ll be taking the challenge! I actually think keeping about 55 pounds off of those 70 pounds for all these years is really great! I’m sorry the font is hard to read. I was all set up to redo my website this summer but then I got a bad case of Covid and that set me off for a bit! I’m planning to try it again in December, so I’ll remember to ask them to also darken the font! Thanks for letting me know!
Count me in! I need to start somewhere and this is very helpful!
Wonderful, I’m glad you’re going to join in, Dawn!
Thank you Barb! I have been off track – giving in breaking my boundaries. I have lost 17 lbs since last Fall. I have gained 3lbs back. I am encouraged by reading this post. I am going to use the boundaries that I set up last Fall . I’m going to reach out to my Lord when I want to use food to make me feel better.
Oh that sounds like such a good idea, Carol. 3 pounds is not bad at all, but so much easier to lose it right away rather than wait! And going back to renewing will help! And that’s so great that you have kept 14 off!! Woohoo!!!
I want to do this. I’ve just joined WW for the 50th time🙄. I started in the 70’s I think I am almost 79 but want to try this again. I have your Renewing Your Mind book. Somewhere. I really need to lose this excess excess excess definition of access place weight before I get old. 😁. Plus I am disabled. .
Thank you for this new opportunity to get control.
I blame my lack of self control on my first grade teacher. She wrote that I didn’t use self control on my report card. And I’ve certainly lived up to her assessment of me😂😂😂
That is so funny, Molly! You need to prove that old teacher wrong! :) (for some reason I can’t find any little faces to put on here or I would put a laughy face on there!) I’ll pray you can follow through on the challenge and make the chart five days this week!
You are a jewel!💗
Thank you, Molly. :)
I so need a reset. I have been all of those things discouraged and feel like I’m just stuck at this overweight menopausal life. I know God wants more for me. I buy the lie that says it doesn’t matter and it’s going to taste good I’ll just start again tomorrow. No I’m starting today with this
Oh that’s so great, Holli. So glad you’re starting today! It’s just a small step – maybe 5 minutes a day for 5 days? I’ll pray that God will help you follow through with it!
I am in! Very glad to be tackling this problem that’s plagued me most of my life.
So glad you’re in, Terri!
I’m in too. I’m going to use the next 5 days to really list all advantages (excuses) and disadvantages I can think of. Let’s see how many I can come up with! Any takers to this sub Challenge?
So glad you’re taking the challenge, Ruth!
This was one of the most meaningful and deep-reaching exercises in Taste for Truth.
My chart ended up with over 30 sacrifices I make when I give in to just doing what I feel like in the moment. As I wrote them all, I was stunned at what I was giving up just to enjoy a minute of pleasure.
The only problem was that the list was too long to carry with me and read when I am feeling “weak”! I think I might write them down individually and stick them on post-it notes and place them throughout my weekly planner so that maybe I could meditate on one each week. They certainly are powerful.
Wow, that’s a lot of sacrifices! I’m glad that chart was helpful, Robyn. I actually have several different advantage charts in my new book as well- maybe three or so, but I can’t remember for sure. If only we could keep all the consequences burned into our minds it would be easier to follow our boundaries! I’m hoping five days of writing a chart will help sear it into our minds!
Thank you for the invite, will be joining the Challenge. I have done the Taste of Truth and found peace when doing the study. So, bring on more truths and peace.
Wonderful, so glad you’re joining, Jan!
I would like to join this challenge.
I have a very addictive personality.
I am all go no boundaries because then I feel free. But is that what real freedom is. I think not. I do want to go to God with my sugar and my daily wine… o sometimes feel hopeless cause I can seem to stick with any boundaries. Thank you for your help.
I also have an addictive personality, Rebecca, so I know how you feel. It can be very discouraging! I’m so glad you’re joining the challenge. God changed me through the renewing of the mind, and I believe He’ll change you as well!
I am in for sure! I have read your books and shared them with friends. I have been the one who has yo-yoed most of my life. I am working hard on self compassion, self kindness and self love. This seems to be helping, but I need all the help I can get!!!
Those are all great things to be working on, Sally. I also have a tendency to beat myself up, and it’s not very helpful! So glad you’re doing the challenge. I think it will be helpful!
I’m going to start! I purchased your books Taste for Truth and Renewing Your Mind. Although I have read through them I need to take action. Now is as good of a time as there is 😀. I have gained and lost 100s of pounds through my life.
Thank you for all you do and God bless!
God bless you too, Cindi! So glad you’re joining the challenge!
Please count me in. I’m tired of the yoyoing. I need help. Thank you so much
Wonderful, good to have you, Brooke!
As I have looked at my weight loss journey over the years, I can see a deep conviction in my very being that I am bad. Kind of a self fulfilling prophesy…See what I just did, I told you I was bad and I have proven it again and again. Will be working on how God sees me, as His daughter, creation, that He didn’t make a mistake when He made me, as well as reviewing these charts to change habits. How I choose to respond to situations may not be the best choice, but it doesn’t mean that I am bad.
That’s so true, Ky, and I think a lot of people respond that way (by beating themselves up). The self-condemnation questions in I Deserve a Donut or Renewing of the Mind Project would be helpful with that. And maybe praying through the insecurity Bible verses too! So glad you’re aware of it and working on overcoming it!
This is so good as I’ve let my diet soda habit emerge … again … still …
I know it’s a habit and not an addiction because there is no thought of it or missing of it when I’m out of town or just out of my regular routine.
Looking forward to implementing this new tool.
Thanks Barb!
Hi Cathie, I was thinking i answered your comment yesterday but maybe not! Hope this will help with that old diet soda habit!
I am so thankful to implement this new tool! Unfortunately, I have let my diet soda habit emerge … again … still…
I know it is a habit and not an addiction because I do not miss it or have any thought of it when I am traveling or out of my normal routine.
Thanks Barb for helping us!
Hi Cathie! I’m glad you’re going to give this a try! Hopefully it will be easier to break the soda habit since it doesn’t feel like an addiction. I bet the charts will help!
I have just come back from the beach and a week of eating anything and everything I want. So today I am sad and angry at myself for losing site of God’s plan and my lack of self control. This challange could not have come at a better time. I am all in and thank you for your kind words of encouragement.
Karen
I’m so glad it came at a good time, Karen. Those vacations are super hard so it’s not surprising when we give in and go all out with eating at times! I hope the challenge will be helpful for getting back on track!
I am so tired of gaining and loosing the same weight over and over. I get so upset with myself. Please count me in!
Oh good, I’m glad you’re joining the challenge, Sara! I know how frustrating that is to lose and gain the same weight all over again! I hope you find the challenge helpful!
I would like to join the challenge. This is something I’ve struggled with for a very long time, and I need God’s help to break the stronghold of using food for comfort, boredom, pleasure, instead of going to God to meet my needs. I’m so tired of the constant struggle and ready to really find permanent freedom.
Wonderful, Kirsty. I’m so glad you’re joining the challenge! Your comment reminded me of how much effort countries have to go through to either gain freedom or ensure freedom. I think it’s the same with us and our strongholds – it takes a lot of effort to get to that freedom, but the freedom is worth the effort! Hope you find the challenge helpful!
Thank-you for these challenges. I am in need of a motivational kickstart(restart) and this is it. Just yesterday I was convincing myself that I didn’t need boundaries. Then I put on my jeans – God’s perfect timing, as usual!
Oh that is so funny, Sue. I don’t like those little wake up calls, but that one at least had funny timing! I hope you enjoy the challenges and find them helpful!
I want to join this challenge. Very discouraging to step on the scales and see the number go up yet again. I usually start with so many habits to break that I get discouraged and can’t keep up. Your way seems better. As a side note, I entered my email address but have not received the link. I’ve tried twice. Can you help me out? Anxious to get started and on my road to success.
Hi Melinda, I have the same tendency with habits – to do too many at once and then, like you, get discouraged, and that always makes me give up! I hope this challenge helps you to start small and keep going. I just emailed my assistant to ask her to check into why you didn’t a confirmation email. And I’m so glad you asked as I discovered I have over 8000 readers on my uncomfirmed list so I’m guessing something is going awry! Did you check your spam for the confirmation? I’m guessing you did. She’ll look into it, but meanwhile, if you’d like, you could email her at julie@barbraveling.com and ask her to manually add you to the list of subscribers! Hope the challenge goes well! And thanks for commenting!
Hi Barb, I have struggled for years with my weight. I am anxious to join this challenge!
Ivy
I’m so glad you’re going to join the challenge, Ivy! And I love your name!
I would like to join!
Wonderful, Kim! If you’d like to see a list of all the videos, click here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL-HUegeqUl__Ol83XV9ZXgZfS41tDQRt1
Hi Barb! God just gifted me with opening up Instagram and having you pop up in my feed! I’m so grateful to the Lord for you! I’ve listened to nearly all of your podcast episodes multiple times. The timing of stumbling upon your challenge couldn’t be better. My clothes are getting tighter every day. This morning during my quiet time I was convicted by the Lord to set boundaries are keep them. This challenge with help! Thank you so very much for all you do!! P.S. You’re rocking the silver locks!!❤️❤️
Denise
Wow, I love that timing, Denise! And I love how God works all things together for good. I’m delighted to be a part of the process! And of course I love your last line. :) Thank you!!
OMG Barb I’m having such a rough day and actually, it’s been a rough season in my life. I just went through all of these advantages and disadvantages as well as consequences of eating what I want when I want and I cannot tell you how strengthened I feel! I have both of your books I deserve a donut and taste for truth I can’t believe I’ve had these wonderful resources within my reach for six months and just now today I am reaching out in desperation for them. I am so grateful to you.
Oh, I’m so glad that this helped!! Thanks for letting me know and I’m sorry you’ve been going through a rough season in your life. :( It’s so hard following our boundaries when life is hard. I hope things get better! But glad you tried renewing and hope that the books help!