One of the hardest things for me as a writer is to figure out how to pursue goals without obsessing over them.
Do you ever have that problem? Maybe you’re trying to lose weight. But you find yourself constantly obsessing over calories or points or how much exercise you’re getting.
Or maybe you’re working on your marriage. But you’re steaming mad at your spouse whenever he doesn’t cooperate with your marriage improvement plans.
Or maybe you’re just trying to get your to-do list done each day. And heaven help the person who gets in the way of your list!
If this is you, there is hope! Jesus gives us some good advice in Matthew 11:28-30:
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Here are 5 tips on how to pursue goals without obsessing over them that I learned from Matthew 11:28-30:
How to Pursue Goals Without Obsessing Over Them
1. Find out what’s making you obsessed.
In this passage, Jesus is addressing a specific group of people: those who are weary and heavy-laden. That’s different than the group who is out there achieving all of their goals, seemingly without effort.
He’s addressing us: the ones who are struggling. The question we want to ask ourselves is, “Why are we struggling? Why so heavy-laden?” Chances are good that the reason we’re so heavy-hearted (and obsessed) is because we’re making the goal a lot more important than God wants us to make it.
The next question we need to ask is, “What just happened that triggered the obsession?” Did you have a bad weigh-in? A fight with your spouse? A disappointment with work?
Once you discover what triggered the day’s obsession, go ahead with the next step.
2. Go to Jesus whenever you find yourself obsessing.
Jesus says, “Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden.” He doesn’t say, “Come to the refrigerator,” or “Come to Facebook,” Or “Come to Pinterest.”
Why do we need to come to Jesus?
Because He is the only one who can help us let go of the obsession.
3. Rest
So what are we supposed to do when we come to Jesus? Well, you know what we like to do … right? We like to cry out, “Jesus, fix this!! Help me lose this weight! Help me have a better marriage! Help me reach this goal!”
There’s nothing wrong with those requests. But when they come in the middle of a goal-induced frenzy, they’re often asked with impure motives–we want our goals more than we want God.
So what we really need to do is forget the requests, come to God, and just rest in Him. Remember who He is. Remember what’s important. Remember how much we love Him.
And just rest. It’s an incredible blessing to be able to rest in Him. Forget the world. Forget our goals. Forget our problems. Just soak in His love.
Jesus says He’ll give us rest. He doesn’t say He’ll give us a perfect life, a perfect relationship, or a perfect body. But rest is far better than any of those things.
4. Keep pursuing your goals, but do it with God.
So what’s next? Does that mean we need to stop pursuing our goals because we’re making them too important? Not necessarily. Certainly, that might be an option. But it’s also possible that God might want us to keep pursuing our goals, but to do it with Him.
Jesus tells us to learn from Him. Then He goes on to give us that beautiful image of the two of us pulling the wagon together, side by side. He’s the head oxen. We’re His trainee.
We’re not sitting in the back of the wagon, watching Him do all the work. We’re walking with Him. That’s not always easy, but it’s a whole lot easier than trying to pull the wagon all by ourselves!
As we walk with Him, we’ll have to be keep remembering to take this last step whenever we need it.
5. Let go of any burdens He doesn’t want you to carry.
This is a biggie. So often when we pursue goals, we take on a burden God doesn’t want us to carry. We somehow let those goals get so intertwined with our identity that if we fail at the goal, we feel like we’re also failures at life.
This isn’t true. We’re not defined by what we do, but by who we are in Christ. And in Christ, we’re God’s children. Beautifully and wonderfully made. Greatly loved. Valuable. And that’s whether we reach the goal or not.
His burden is light: Walk with Him.
Our burden is incredibly heavy: Be successful! Don’t disappoint anyone! Be the best! Earn respect!! Don’t make anyone mad!! Don’t fail!
Those burdens weigh us down because they’re self-focused goals. And when we try to fill ourselves up with all of those things, we never get enough to satisfy us.
We’ll be far better off if let go of our burdens and focus on Him: Loving Him. Enjoying Him. And learning from Him.
God can use the goal-pursuing process for our growth and also for the good of ourselves and others.
But in order for that to happen, we need to keep God first and hold the goal with open hands. Shall we try to do that together as we head into the new year?
If you’d like help with your goals …
Check out these blog posts:
New Podcast Coming!
Also wanted to let you guys know that I’m still working on the new weight loss podcast which I hope to have ready by the end of this month or early February. I’ll also continue to put out episodes on the Christian Habits Podcast but will take a break from that for a little while – maybe 2 or 3 months to focus on this new one. Hope you are all having a wonderful new year, working on your goals, but not obsessing about them!
Very true and wonderful steps.
I have been having this problem of being too obsessed in accomplishing my goals.
But know i have found a solution.
God bless you Barbra.
Wonderful, Paulin! I hope it helps!
this a topic that I have been thinking about for a while. Thanks for bringing this to light
Thanks, Inossi! Also, I just checked out your blog – it’s great! Love that you’re already blogging at such a young age!
Great post. It is easy to get obsessed with goals. I often fall victim to goal obsession. When you said ” God can use the goal-pursuing process for our growth and also for the good of ourselves and others” that is the key. When we attempt goals in our strength, we limit what God desires to do in and through us. We must keep Him as the focal point in going after any goal. Paul said it best, “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”. Be blessed.
That’s the perfect Bible verse to include, Bernard. Thank you! I agree about how important it is to keep God as the focal point when we pursue goals. Also love what you said about how we limit what God desires to do in us and through us when we attempt to do goals in our own strength – maybe also when we only attempt goals that we feel like we can do in our own strength! Thanks for stopping by. It’s good to see you again!
Barb, thank you for another wonderful post–just what I needed to read today! I’ve been obsessing over losing the baby weight from my 3rd baby, and it’s driving me crazy. Thank you for your words of encouragement and truth–blessings!
Blessing to you too, Meredith! I thought it was a lot harder to lose the weight for the 3rd and 4th baby than the first one. Glad the blog post helped with the obsession factor!
This is so on point for me. The only way I’ve lost weight in the past was to be obsessive, or as I like to call it, my ‘manic’ mode. I’m really working to do it God’s way this time. Thank you.
So glad you’re working on doing it God’s way this time around, Tracy. I know how crummy the obsessive method is since I struggle with that in writing – it’s not fun! Praying God will bless the slower, renewing of the mind path and help you lose the weight with Him!
My eyes shot open when you stated “don’t go to Facebook or Pinterest” That is me.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Glad it was helpful, Sarah!
I fall well into this category. A lot of wisdom in your words, Barb. When we put ourselves and our desires in front of everything else, including God, we’re heading for trouble without peace. And as you pointed out, we all will have trouble, but with us on God’s side, we can still have peace. It’s the only way.
Thanks for reminding me today.
I love that comparison, Floyd. Either way we’ll have trouble. Will it be with peace or without peace? I think I sometimes believe the lie that it’s possible to NOT have trouble! But of course, it isn’t! The choice isn’t an easy life vs a hard life – it’s a “doing things with God while holding the outcome with open hands” life vs the “not doing things with God and/or not holding the outcome with open hands” life. I need to constantly remember that. Even when I just wrote a blog post about it. :) Thanks for the reminder.
Great post, I have to force myself to slow down and make sure I’m pursing the right (God) goals. Those that God wants me to focus on while avoiding those that are only self created. God goals are the best!
I love that insight, Dan – thanks for sharing it!
Great post. It goes nicely with my word for this year: ABIDE.
I didn’t pray and ask for a word, but as I was seeking God for 2017 I heard Him say I needed to learn to ABIDE in Him. To rest in Him and not try to fix things or accomplish things on my own. I need to not stress, but trust Him.
Thanks for this post. Great questions. I’ll be coming back to it throughout the year.
Love that word, TC! I could use that word too with all of the unrest that’s going on these days in our country. It’s not a very restful period of time to live through. :) So best to find our rest in Him!
Hi Barb. After doing the perfectionism eating questions I realised that I don’t have a healthy balance between the boundaries and renewing my mind. I have spent more time on obsessing about the best way to eat on my new eating plan and whether it’s working through weighing myself too much over renewing my min. I recognise this has been a pattern in the past with other diets and then give up under the same phrase ‘this way of eating was causing obsession to heavy burdens I can’t carry’ and throw in the total. Where would you suggest is the best balance in this scenario?
Hmm, that’s an interesting question, Sophia. At least for me, when I find I’m obsessing over something, it’s usually because either my identity is somehow tied up in it or I’m afraid of rejection or people not liking me if I don’t do well at whatever I’m obsessing about. If that’s the reason for the obsession, then you’ll probably obsess no matter what eating plan you follow.
So the first thing to do might be to work on being okay with not losing weight and seeing yourself through God’s eyes – as beautiful because you’re His creation – and also work through fear of rejection too if that’s an issue. And then maybe make a boundary with weighing – only weigh yourself once a week max and have someone hide the scale if you’re tempted to weigh more often – because the scale can contribute to our obsession.
And then beyond that, choose any old eating plan as long as it’s healthy, remembering that the plan isn’t what will bring you success – it’s being able to faithfully follow the plan. So I would choose the plan based on what you think would be the easiest to live with. Then just renew your mind when you break your eating boundaries, when you weigh when you’re not supposed to weigh, or when you catch yourself thinking obsessively about your eating plan. If you think the obsession is caused by something else, let me know and I’ll see if I can think of any other ideas!
Sorry i meant throw in the towel.
Can I email you Barb?
Sure! Do you see the contact button up at the top right? It’s just underneath the green subscribe button. Click on that and you’ll be able to email me!
Hi Miss Barb, I had never really thought of it in this way. For yrs. I have felt pressure to accomplish, be obedient , succeed get the exercise , get the water , you need to do it this way! Always ending feeling I have failed God others and myself by not losing weight. I never thought that I have been placing the accomplishment or success as an idol and this is possibly why I have been so miserable with it all. God knows what is best for all and I plan on looking to Him and who He is and the way He wants to lead me in this in 2017. Thank you , hug
Hi Sandra! I think your experience is the same as many of ours! It’s hard to walk that fine line between pursuing goals and not obsessing over them. Love your plan to look to God and who He is and how He wants to lead you in this. Praying He will bless you as you go to Him for help with this!