Do you have a person in your life who regularly drives you crazy? Or a person who keeps hurting you and doesn’t seem open to change?
Here are some questions and Bible verses that will help you let go of those angry feelings and love when it’s hard to love.
Note: These questions and Bible verses can also be found in The Renewing of the Mind Project, I Deserve a Donut (and Other Lies That Make You Eat), and the I Deserve a Donut app.
Anger/Annoyance Questions and Bible Verses
- Why are you angry or annoyed? Be specific.
- Are you surprised by this person’s behavior? Why or why not?
- Why does her behavior bother you so much?
- Do you think her behavior bothers God? Why or why not?
- Do you think this person is open to change?
- Yes: If so, do you think God wants you to talk to her? Why or why not? *
- No: If not, what will happen if you try to change her?
- How do you think God wants you to respond to this person? **
- What would you need to give up, if anything, to respond the way God wants you to respond?
- Do you love God (or this person) enough to make that sacrifice?
- Is there anything you need to accept?
- What do you think God wants to do for you in the midst of this difficult situation?
- Do you need to add some boundaries to this relationship?
- If so, what boundaries could you actually enforce? **
- What can you thank God for in this situation? (Don’t forget to include the things you like about this person.)
* Note: If you think God wants you to talk to this person, be sure to renew your mind first so your heart is full of love and respect for her. You’ll have a better chance of reaching her if she doesn’t feel threatened by your anger and/or condemnation.
** Note: If you’re in an abusive or potentially abusive situation, please don’t try to handle this situation on your own. Seek help as soon as you can.
Possible things you’ll need to accept with anger: that people sometimes do things to hurt you, that you can’t change people, that you can’t always have what you want, and that life is often hard and unfair.
Possible things you’ll need to confess with anger: judgment, condemnation, trying to control people God doesn’t want you to control, making something more important than God wants you to make it, and hurting others with your anger.
Bible Verses
Matthew 5:43-44, 46 You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?
Matthew 18:21-22 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Ephesians 4:26-27 Be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.
Romans 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
Romans 15:1, 7 Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered.
1 Corinthians 13:7 (Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Colossians 3:12-14 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
Colossians 3:17 Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
1 John 3:16 We know love by this, that He laid His life down for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
1 Peter 1:22 Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart.
1 Peter 3:8-9 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
Note: As you pray through these verses, pray for the person who is bugging you. God will change your heart as you pray for him or her.
Additional Resources
If you’re looking for a book to go a little deeper, these questions can also be found in
I Deserve a Donut and The Renewing of the Mind Project.
Barb, what an excellent article. I was blessed in reading through those Scriptures. We would be so much better off if we would think and pray through problems with people rather than reacting. I tweeted it, so hope you get more readers.
Thanks, Melanie. I appreciate it!
Another one I’d add is one I heard from Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Do you really think that this person woke up wanting to harm you, annoy you, and get under your skin? Or do they have basic goodwill towards you with some miscommunication added in?
Well, Loren, I’m only replying 2 years later. :) I must have missed this when you wrote it, but it’s a great question!
Great checklist. Now if only I would use it. :/
Good stuff! I sent this to a friend who is struggling to better handle annoying people and situations. I think it will really help her. For me, I find that God really deals with me and makes me answer the questions you pose when I spend regular time with Him. He basically says, “I hear your requests, but lets deal with this first.” So much of the time, the thing we need to deal with is my annoyance at people.
That’s great, Kari. I hope they help your friend. I often ask them myself if I’m annoyed with someone as I find they help me capture the lies that make me annoyed.
I am cultivating the habit of looking inward whenever I am annoyed. Unfortunately, that starts very close to home with my youngest son. I am reacting to him too often in annoyance, and that needs to change.
These are some great questions and passages. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Oh Barb, I don’t even know to thank you for all you’re teaching me… I’m currently finishing up the anger portion in your “Freedom from Emotional Eating” book – and that day, I was angry with my husband. So, I said.. “oh, fine… I’ll do this devotion”…. and of course, after seeing the truth behind it all – I knew I was in the wrong to react in a sinful way because of my anger. So, I’ll work writing out my angry thoughts, breaking them up and seeing the truth behind each statement. I thought it was funny, I responded to one of my sentences with the truth “but he apologized, so he knew he hurt you”…. and I was mad that I realized that because when I am angry, I just don’t want to hear anything and because I wanted to stay angry… God was asking me to submit to Him though.
That’s so great, CJ. The truth makes it easier to submit, doesn’t it? I’m the same way you are. I often laugh when I read my truths, because they really are funny sometimes – and much more fun that dwelling on those yucky old lies that mess us up and keep us unhappy. It’s so good to hear what God is doing in your life. Thanks for sharing.
This is really good stuff! I’ve thought much of it, but I like having a list! :o)
(((HUGS)))
Yeah, it’s the stuff that always come up when we renew our minds, right? But you’re right, it’s handy having it in a list. :)
Thank you so much for this post! It helped me work through one of my issues… Now if I only knew what to do with the other issue haha. You should consider doing a post on when to let toxic people out of your life ;)
The funny thing is that I was thinking about that after I posted that podcast – that I never said anything about letting go of some of those difficult relationships. You’re right, I should write a post on that sometime. I just need to figure it out first. :)
Thank You so much for this. It was a blessing. I recognize “annoyance” when it starts to boil within me, which is another form of anger and eventually starts turning to anger, I pray God take it away because I don’t like feeling like that. Even though my coworkers don’t realize how their words or actions affect me I stay silent because I feel that if I say something it will come out wrong. SO i rather stay silent and pray to myself. Thanks again for this. Blessings to you!
-Brian
Hi Brian, Thanks for commenting and I hope the questions help. I know when I go through them, those angry feelings usually go away. And I usually go through them or truth journal if I’m annoyed because I don’t like feeling that way either!
I was led to find scriptures on being annoyed for my husband, since he has let a co-worker under his skin way too much lately. Thank you so much for compiling those scripture!!
I’m so glad they were helpful, Michelle!
Three years later and this post is still helping people. I’m not a huge list fan, but I my anger and frustration it was perfect for helping me to process my feelings. So often it feels like we are told not to be angry, when we’re told not to stay angry. I was hurt, my husband made a poor choice and I have to suffer the consequences with it. Having the list allowed me to acknowledge my anger and hurt but not to hold onto it. Now I can be gracious and compassionate towards my husband when we finally get to sit down and talk.
Thanks!
Oh, that’s so wonderful to hear, Buffy. I’ll pray that the talk goes well! I know how hard it is to let go of those feelings when we’re going through difficulties so I’m so glad you were able to reach that point.
Great job Barb, I believe your ministry will help many people to look at the real underlining cause, therefore freeing them from repeating the same pattern of destruction again and again.
God bless you!
Thanks, Bonnie. I appreciate that encouragement! Thanks for taking the time to comment!
It hasn’t taken me 4 years to leave a comment :) I just discovered this post and wanted to say thanks. These are excellent questions that I will have to ask myself more often as I am an easily annoyed and frustrated person.
Thanks for sharing the wisdom.
I’m glad you finally left a comment, JM! I wrote these questions out of my own experience with being frustrated and annoyed so I hope they’re helpful. :)