Do you ever feel like no one likes you? I remember sitting in my house when my kids were little, thinking that the only person who liked me was our one year old—and she liked everyone!
The truth is, people did like me back in those days. But I was so insecure, I didn’t always believe it. The following is an excerpt from my journal on one of those days almost 12 years ago:
11/18/2004
Beliefs:
1. Megan (not her real name!) doesn’t like me.
Truth: This is possible. I’ll never know unless I ask. And I’m not going to ask!
2. She thinks I’m obnoxious.
Truth: Every person has a good and bad side to their personality. So do I. The sad but true fact is that sometimes I will annoy people. This is inevitable. A fact of life, not something to be insecure about.
The wonderful thing is that God delights in me. He forgives and glosses over the obnoxious parts of my personality and His Holy Spirit cleanses me from sin and uses these experiences to shape me into the person He wants me to be.
When others disapprove of me, it’s not a sign for me to get all insecure and think I’m terrible and try to measure up. Instead, it’s a sign for me to check my behavior and ask, “Am I all God wants me to be in this area of my life, or is there something I need to change so I can love others better?”
Thank you, Lord, for the people who disapprove of me because you can use them for my good.
3. I need to act differently so she likes me and thinks well of me.
Truth: Not true. Sometimes people are just different, and they don’t click. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s okay if I don’t click with everyone. It doesn’t make me bad, just different.
Note 10/10/16: I have no idea what situation I was journaling about, but I’m guessing it wasn’t a situation where I had sinned against the person, judging by the truth I wrote down. If I had sinned against her, the truth would have been, “Yes, I do need to act differently, but not so she likes me and thinks well of me. I need to act differently so I can love her better. And because God wants me to change in this area of my life.”
4. I need to live up to her standards.
Truth: I can never live up to her standards because I’m not that type of person. So don’t even try.
6 Lies That Make Us Feel Insecure
After truth journaling, I wrote this chart in my journal:
World (Lies) |
God (Truth) |
|
1. I need to be well liked. |
1. You are already loved. |
|
2. I need to measure up. |
2. You can’t measure up. That’s why I died for you. |
|
3. I need everyone’s approval. |
3. That’s impossible. Seek only My Approval. |
|
4. I have to be the life of the party. |
4. I (God) am the life of the party. |
|
5. It’s terrible when people don’t like me. |
5. It is an opportunity for growth when people don’t like you. A chance for you to check your behavior. A chance for you to become like Me. And a chance for you to toughen up and seek My approval alone. |
|
6. I’ll love you if… |
6. I’ll love you period. You are already delightful to Me. |
Whenever I take the time to carry my thoughts captive to the truth, I always feel better.
New Podcast Episode
I also wanted to let you know that I recorded a new podcast on procrastination but since I attached it to an old blog post, it won’t show up as a new podcast. To find it, go to the Christian Habits Podcast on iTunes (or your Android podcast phone app) and look at the bottom of the list. It’s called 9 Questions That Will Help You Stop Procrastinating.
This is really, really good! I have struggled with thoughts like this off and on my whole life. I love your method of taking our thoughts captive and replacing them with truth!! It is truly life changing!
Thanks, Sara! I’m glad it was helpful! I know it’s not fun to struggle with those thoughts!
This is very wise, and I will be pondering these truths. Thank you so much for your blogs and podcasts!
You’re welcome, Melissa! I’m glad they’re helpful! And thanks for commenting!
I so needed this as I’m thinking no one at my work likes me. I am reducing and will cut out caffeine, so some thoughts are just de-tox. Either way, I needed this. Thank you! Kylie.
Haha, yes, it could definitely be the de-tox. I know for me life always seems worse without coffee. :) But I’m so glad this was helpful. I’m praying that God will give you some encouragement at work.
This could not have come at a better. Struggling with a new co-worker. It reminded me that some people just don’t click. As long as I’m not sinning against her, I need to just be me. And I need to be ok with that.
Yes, that’s such a good lesson to learn. It always help me when I realize that I don’t always click with everyone either. That doesn’t mean I don’t like them – just that we might not have that much in common. I hope God gives you peace as you work through the ins and outs of getting to know your new co-worker.
Good one, Barb. I know there have been plenty of season in life when I wasn’t the best person to be around. I also know that others don’t always like us for their own personal reasons; judging others with their eyes and sometimes jealousy.
We can’t help what others think, but we can walk and act in humility. That way we bring honor to our Father regardless of what other people think.
Good reminder for me, sister.
Yes, I love those words of advice, Floyd – to act and walk in humility. A beautiful way to bring honor to God. And that’s also a good point that sometimes people might not like us for their own personal reasons. That helps us to not take things personally. Thanks for your words of wisdom!
I’m with all these other commenters; this was such a great post that I am planning to print it and keep revisiting it. Thanks for taking the time to minister to us with this piece. – Joy
I’m so glad it was helpful, Joy!
I love this! The truth that replaces those lies are something I need to look at often. I often have the thought of people not liking me and it keeps me from participating in things and connecting with people. Thank you!
Oh that’s so true! It’s kept me from participating and connecting with people as well. I’m finding it’s much better to just assume people like me unless they tell me otherwise. :)
This is great! I love the chart and this sentence really hit home- “Thank you, Lord, for the people who disapprove of me because you can use them for my good”
Just this past weekend I had an experience where a tough truth was given to me. I had to choose if I would take the correction or lash out. After much prayer and reflection I was able to see the truth in the pain and realize I have room to grow.
That’s so great, TC. It seems like growth is never easy. But always good!
Love the points how our Father is the only important examiner we should be concerned with and He has been pleased through Jesus. With that revealed it keeps me from feelings and actions that are not needed. We only need what Father God would have in or out of us. Like you said He delights in us. Thank you I needed to read this. hug
So glad it was helpful, Sandra. Hugs to you too!
God bless you Barb!! All of this is so true. As I often feel like I am not the life of the party and remain quiet ,the truth is The Lord is the life of the party.! Love it! If I had a printer Id print this out. Thank you Barb you really helped me tonight!
So glad it was helpful, Cherrie. The world needs quiet people!
Wow. I came for one thing and ran into this post. So excellent!! So well said. Oh how I struggle with this too. The truth has set me free this morning. Now I pray for help during the awkward moments when in the presence of those people we don’t click with. New fan here. Thank you!!!
So glad it was helpful, Wanda! I’ve been in some of those awkward moments – not fun. I sometimes pray through 1 Corinthians 13 on my way to gatherings where I know I’ll feel intimidated socially. It really helps with insecurity, which also helps with the awkward moments! Glad to have you hear at the blog, Wanda!
Thank you for posting this Barb! So funny, I haven’t been on the site in a week and my fiance and I have had a falling out with one of our close friends where it just seems to be a personality clash but leaves everyone feeling so insecure so this came at the perfect time! I love when God does that! Thank you for the continued encouragement and truth.
That’s so great! I love it when God does that too! I’m hoping you guys work things out with your friend, Joanie! I know how hard those kinds of situations are!
I have not liked myself more then I felt like no one liked me. Especially when I do think no one likes me only to be proven wrong. I settled in my heart years ago, there will some who tolerate me, some who don’t like me and some who are the best friends ever. I think even if one has a lot of friends does not mean they won’t feel insecure at times even among friends. Good post.
Yes, I think you’re right – my guess is that very few people if any escape insecurity all together! Too many things to be insecure about. :) And I agree sometimes all those things can make us not like ourselves as well – or at least spend time beating ourselves up!
This is awesome Barb. I really like this post. I struggle with the desire for everyone to like me and want to work so hard to ‘measure up’. It’s great to be reminded that all of the worthwhile work in that area is done by God. Only his love truly satisfies. Thanks again for posting this.
Thanks, Matt. I’m glad you liked the post. It’s interesting to go back through old journal entries. It was great visiting with you today, and I’m looking forward to getting our interview out! I think the subjects we talked about were somewhat similar to this post!