Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with life. As I go to God for help, the same lies keep surfacing.
Here they are: four lies that lead to stress — and the truth that will make life a little more relaxing:
1. It will be easier to do it tomorrow.
The truth is, the longer we wait, the harder it is to get ourselves to do things. Here’s why: Every time we start thinking about that “horrible job,” our minds start cranking out negative thoughts: I hate that job. It’s so hard. It takes forever.
We put it off, but we can’t help thinking about it. And whenever we do, we add more thoughts to the list. By the time we reach the “I have to do it or else” point, that stack of negative thoughts is so high, it threatens to topple us.
It’s much easier to do the job when the stack is only one thought high.
For a great advice on overcoming procrastination, listen to Rory Vaden on the EntreLeadership podcast.
2. This has to be perfect.
Saying this has to be perfect is like saying, “I have to go to the moon tomorrow.” It’s impossible.
On my app (Or I Deserve a Donut And Other Lies That Make You Eat) I ask the question, “What does perfection look like in this case?” and “Are you capable of making that happen?” For some strange reason, these questions help me relax. Knowing that I’ll never be perfect helps me let go of the feeling that I have to be perfect.
3. I have to get every single thing on the list done right now this very minute.
One of my biggest stressors is my tendency to see the whole, huge, overwhelming list in one fell swoop. Kari Scare tells us how to solve this problem: “Just do what’s next.”
This works. When I turn a blind eye to the rest of the list and think, “Just do what’s next, Barb,” I immediately relax. I may not be capable of doing the whole list, but I am capable of doing the next thing on the list.
4. If I don’t get this done, “x” will happen—and that will be terrible!
“X” is usually all encompassing. For example: If I don’t finish this paper, I’ll fail the class, and I’ll never get into my profession, and I will be miserable for the rest of my life.
Of course, we don’t spell it out in our minds that far, but our thoughts are definitely gloomy. The truth is, it won’t be the end of the world if we don’t get into the profession. Yes, we can try harder, and give it another attempt. But even if we fail, life will be good.
Why? Because we don’t have to live our dreams. If life is about God, then He’s our dream. And if we have our main dream, do we really need our secondary dream?
The bottom line is that the more we make life about God, the greater life is.
Even when our list is a mile long.
P.S. For those of you who don’t have an iPhone or iPod, I will try to get the I Deserve a Donut questions and Bible verses out in another form in the next couple of months. (I just have to keep telling myself the truth so I can get it done!) (Update: 9/7/13 – should be out in paperback the end of this month.)
Discussion: What lies cause you to feel overwhelmed? What do you do when you’re overwhelmed?
I know the feeling, Barbra. I have dealt with these same issues. I think I’ve learned to let go of most of these anxieties but still struggle with #3 from time to time. But I’ve come to realize that’s impossible and I do my best to pace myself.
I’m struggling with #3 today! Need to re-read that and take my own advice. :) Pace yourself. That’s also good advice. Thank you. I’ll try to do that today!
I think this is typical for most “A” type personalities. We wear ourselves out inside before we ever start the outside. I’ve been in a time of testing the last five years or so. While my circumstances haven’t changed my perspective has. God is there and He’s not only providing, He’s using the lesson to bring wisdom and trust in Him. When I feel that old urge of the flesh I go to HIm and hand it to the only One who can handle all the world’s problems anyway.
It’s funny – I read your comment and thought, “I don’t think I’m an A type personality.” I asked my husband and he said, “If you were an A type personality, surely you would hang up these phones instead of laying them all over the house”. :) My daughter said, “I’ve been trying to tell you that for years, Mom. You’re an A type personality.”
I love the way you described the process: we wear ourselves out inside before we ever start outside. I definitely do that! Love your solution: hand it to the One who can handle all the world’s problems anyway. Well said!
I have allowed #1 and #2 to make me feel overwhelmed at times. When dealing with being overwhelmed, I try and take a few minutes to clear my mind, pray, and refocus. Great post Barb!
That’s a great idea, Dan. I do the same thing. Lately I’ve been doing the Pomodoro system for time management: Work for 25 minutes, then take a 5 minute break, and so on. During my 5 minute break, I work on a puzzle and talk to God. He helps me refocus on His priorities which is very helpful.
Great idea:) I’ve been trying to be more intentional about taking breaks when writing or working on a project.
I deal with similar issues. I struggle with #2. I spend too much time trying to make things perfect that I fail to launch. I have realized that if I keep trying for perfection I will never get things done.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to find that fine line between “this is good enough, launch it” and “It would really be better if you spent a little more time on this.” I’m learning to let go on blog posts and spend a little more time on products for publishing.
Geez…where do I begin :)
Love this line, “If life is about God, then He’s our dream”
One thing God has been showing me is that I am loved and valued no matter my performance. I don’t have to “earn” His love. I don’t have to live up to His expectations. This really frees me to take chances and make mistakes (and hopefully learn from them)
Great point, TC. I tend to be that way with people more than with God. But when I think, “It’s okay if this person condemns me, because God loves me no matter what,” that also helps me to take chances.
I think all of these are lies that I have believed at one time or another!
I think another one is the idea that my value is determined by what I can get done that day – that is a lie that tends to be at the heart of so many of the others for me.
Hmm, that’s an interesting one! I think I’ve also believed that one. I know I’ve thought, “I’m a failure,” by 9:00 in the morning because I haven’t gotten enough done. Crazy!
Wonderful points, very hepful!!! Thank you
Thanks, Natalia. (I love your name!)
“We don’t have to live our dreams, if life is about God.” I love that sentence Barb. It is so true. I have chased so many things in the past believing they would fulfill me. Nope. Not so much. I’m happier now that I get up each day and ask God to allow me to live His dreams for me. Thanks for this great reminder.
Me, too, Deb. I am much happier when I am looking to see what He wants me to do.
Good advice and what I need right now. Teachers get stressed at the end of the semester, too. Thanks.
I bet you’re stressed – all that grading! Only a couple more weeks, right? Jenny has been calling me several times a day – she finishes up today. Any plans to come up here this summer?
Perfectionism. That one definitely does it to me!
Me, too, unfortunately!
“Why? Because we don’t have to live our dreams. If life is about God, then He’s our dream. And if we have our main dream, do we really need our secondary dream?”
I LOVE this Barb!
Just yesterday I was thinking- you know if my dreams came true I’d have…………(something I want)
But I don’t have it and I realize that due to age, ability, time. I won’t.
Then I see others who have/live this dream, and I feel like that child at the store with my mom. The child who begs for candy by the cash register and mom tells me I’m going to have a nice big orange, but no, no candy. Because its what’s best for me. period.
I knew I did not have to live my dream. I accepted that. But I kinda kept asking God “Why not”? And now I have my answer! HE is my dream! How true Barb- who needs secondary dreams if God is our dream!
(((HUGS)))
What a great analogy, Elizabeth. It made me think, is the kid who gets candy all the time really the lucky one? I can’t think of how many times the things in my life that I’ve hated have been the very things God has used to bring me closer to Him and mature me in ways that have made my life far better than if I would have gotten what I wanted right away. (Boy, that was a long sentence!) Anyway, I love your analogy – thank you! And also love what God is teaching you!
I’m with you on number three, the cause and effect of my nondecision/nonaction.
Interesting – I like the way you pair nondecision with nonaction. I hadn’t thought of that before, but that’s probably one of my problems. I don’t always take the time to prioritize my list. When I do, it’s a lot easier to focus on just one thing rather than the whole list because I’ve already decided what the “next thing” is, earlier in the day. Thanks for that input!
I am with you on # 3 as well! That’s all I’ve been telling myself today. I have this huge to-do and to-be list in my head and to be honest, it’s not even possible to finish some of the tasks in the next few months let alone today. So today I’ve been reminding myself, loudly, of the two tasks for the day. I’ve just finished them right now and am ready to shut down for the day! Even though the winding line of to-do’s is calling very loudly.
I really love # 4, esp this “…we don’t have to live our dreams. If life is about God, then He’s our dream. And if we have our main dream, do we really need our secondary dream?” Wow, quite sobering for me today. thanks for sharing.
I can so relate, Ngina – the to-do list and the to-be list. So funny. I’ve never thought of it that way but I definitely have an ongoing to-be list in my head giving me little reminders all the time. Haha – so glad you are reminding yourself loudly that all you have to get done is two tasks for the day! You are great at word pictures. I can just picture all my little jobs backed up in a line saying, “Hey, Barb, c’mon, over here – when are you going to get to us? We’ve been waiting forever!!” Time to turn a blind eye to them!!!
Number three use to really stress me out because I was such a people pleaser and I am a type A…I always wanted thing done..NOW. My mother use to say when things did not get done, that dirt will be there when I am dead and gone. I think I have aged enough to appreciate her wisdom. I like to do the hardest thing first though in case. My remedy for being over whelmed is chocolate, more chocolate and maybe even more after that. On a serious note…music helps me a lot…taking time to walk outside…really just taking a little time for myself when I am over whelmed. Great post, I am going to share this on my fb wall.
I am also a people pleaser. When I first started getting over it, it came as a shock to me that saying no was even an option! Doing the hardest thing first is a great idea – I’d like to train myself to do that. Music is always a great motivator for me – to relax me, but also to pep me up. It energizes me, especially if I’m doing housework (except for all those distracting dancing breaks!). Thanks for commenting, Betty – and thanks also for sharing on fb.
Phenomenal post as usual. This line is fabulous: The bottom line is that the more we make life about God, the greater life is. I’m going to be honest and say that I get overwhelmed when I’m afraid I can’t have everything I want–which usually involves positive attention from other people. So if I can’t write great posts, and write lots of comments, and keep up the house, etc., etc., I start to feel panicky. Now I’m going to be very honest and say that lately God hasn’t been my first dream. That needs to change.
I’ve been fighting through those same things this past year, Melanie. Blogging is overwhelming in many ways. Sometimes it helps me to think about Peter – he didn’t start to panic until he got out of the boat. But it was good that he got out of the boat!
I tend to fell overwhelmed when I start believing #1 “It will be easier tomorrow”. Unfortunately those easy things pile up and then they are not so easy any more. I also feel overwhelmed when I start thinking that only I can get the job done. The reality is that there are other people who could help me and maybe even others who will do the job better than I can do it.
I’m fighting with that first lie today. Need to get to work!