Lie: It Shouldn’t Be This Hard to Change

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A couple of months ago, I sent out a survey asking which lies people struggle with the most—today’s lie came in #1: “It shouldn’t be this hard to change.”  The next two? “I’ll never change” and “I can’t do this anyway, so why bother?”

What’s interesting is that those second two lies come after repeated failure. But today’s lie—“It shouldn’t be this hard to change”—actually causes the failure.

Why? Because if we believe change should be easy, we won’t put in the work required for real transformation. Let’s dig into this idea and replace the lie with biblical truth.

Why We Believe Change Should Be Easy

This lie shows up most often when we’re trying to break a habit—but typically only at the very beginning of the journey. Once you’ve worked on change long enough, you learn (from experience!) that change is supposed to be hard. But if you’re new to the process or haven’t seen much progress yet, you’re far more likely to believe the lie, It shouldn’t be this hard to change.

So where does this belief come from?

1. Our Culture—Especially Marketing

We live in a world that constantly tells us: Buy this product. Start this program. Take this course. It will be easy! Marketing promises quick, effortless transformation. That seeps into our thinking, so we assume change should just “happen”—no struggle, no sacrifice. It shouldn’t be hard to change…

2. Misunderstanding Christian Growth

Sometimes, in the church, we unintentionally absorb the belief that spiritual growth should be easy, too—almost effortless. We think if we go to church, join a Bible study, or attend a small group, we’ll naturally glide into spiritual maturity.

But that’s not how the Bible describes transformation. It uses words like training, fighting, resisting, disciplining, and battling.

Real change takes intentional effort, spiritual weapons, and daily engagement with God.

We Also Misunderstand What “Hard Work” Really Is

Many of us think trying our hardest means “showing up,” like my husband did one day in high school when he told his mom he got a C on a test.

“Well, you tried your best,” she said—except he hadn’t studied at all. Lesson learned? That effort meant simply being present. But effort is more than that, especially in spiritual growth.

Breaking a stronghold, uprooting a generational sin, rewiring long-held thought patterns, or resisting a habit you’ve practiced for decades—all of that is hard work.

A More Accurate Picture: Training for a Marathon

If someone told you to run a marathon in six months, you wouldn’t think, “I’ll just show up that day.” You’d know it required effort, planning, discipline, and sacrifice. Yet we rarely apply that same mindset to our spiritual or emotional habits—even though the Bible clearly portrays transformation as a spiritual battle.

The Truth We Need

If I’m trying to change a stronghold, a generational sin, a long-term habit, or a behavior fueled by years of thinking, it will be extremely hard—and that’s completely normal.

Hard doesn’t mean impossible. Hard doesn’t mean God isn’t with you. Hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Hard simply means you’re fighting a real battle.

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What the Bible Says About Hard Change

Hebrews 12 is a perfect picture of this struggle. It reminds us that resisting sin is painful, that discipline doesn’t feel good in the moment, and that even Jesus sweat drops of blood in His fight against temptation.

But it also reminds us that discipline produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).

That harvest is coming—if we don’t give up.

How to Renew Your Mind for This Lie

When it comes to working hard on growth in the areas God wants us to change, that hard work looks like lots of renewing our mind—multiple times a day. 

Towards the end of the podcast episode, I share some different ways to renew your mind for the lie, It shouldn’t be this hard to change. I give an example for Scripture meditation, truth journaling, and using the Tired of the Struggle questions from my book, Renewing of the Project.

Here are the truths I shared in the podcast as examples of what you could write down when you’re truth journaling the lie, It shouldn’t be this hard to change. The last truth is a truth journal entry from my 2002 journal! :

Belief: It shouldn’t be this hard to change.

Truths:

1. 1. That’s crazy. Of course it’s this hard to change! I’ve been doing this for 40 years now! It’s hard to change years and years of thinking one way and doing things one way because of the thoughts. If I want to change I need to get down to the fundamentals and change the way I think. That is not going to be easy.
   2. It’s not that hard to make dinner, change my clothes, or play a game. It IS hard to break free from a stronghold or a generational sin. And it’s crazy hard to change years and years of the same old thoughts that are fueling the negative emotions that are driving this behavior Of course it’s going to take work to change! I’m being delusional when I think it won’t!
   3. If it was hard for Jesus – who was 100% God in addition to being 100% man – to withstand temptation, how hard will it be for me?! He sweat tears of blood in his fight against sin. Can I not at the very minimum renew my mind 2-3 times a day to fight this behavior? Thanks be to God, He know exactly what I’m going through and is willing to help. But he expects me to work alongside him.
   4. Barb’s Journal – 1/18/02 (23 years ago!!!) – Belief: Losing weight should be easy and fun – so should everything else in life! I shouldn’t have to suffer. [I hadn’t refined truth journaling yet as I wrote just one truth for three sentences!] TRUTH: It should be easy and fun, but it’s not! It may be that way for people who like to exercise and thrive on that sort of thing, but not for me. For me it is TORTURE and MISERY!!! Expect it!! [Note: tell them I didn’t really write the truth – I no longer believe it should be fun and easy – so God sometimes gives us truth in layers. For those who say they don’t know what the truth is – if you keep going God will show you it at a deeper and deeper level.

Listen to the podcast for more insights and to renew your mind along with me!

If you have a friend who is struggling with change in some area of their lives, please share this post or podcast episode with them.

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