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You are here: Home / Habits Blog Posts / When You Feel Like You’ll Never Change

When You Feel Like You’ll Never Change

March 31, 2016 By: Barb Raveling

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When You Feel Like You'll Never Change

One of the questions I get asked most often is, “Will I ever change?” When you’ve been struggling with the same habit for years—maybe even a life time—at some point you start believing the lie: I’ll never change.

When You Feel Like You'll Never ChangeYet we can’t get around the fact that the Bible tells us we can do all things through God who strengthens us. The question isn’t, “Can we change?” but “How soon will God change us?” The answer to that question is, “It depends.” Here are a few things that affect how soon you’ll experience victory with your habit.

7 Factors That Affect How Soon You’ll Break Your Habit

  1. How long you’ve had the habit. I quit my smoking habit in the third grade after having my first cigarette. It was an easy habit to break because I only had two puffs under my belt before breaking it. But imagine if I’d smoked for 30 years and then tried to quit. It would be a lot harder, right? The longer you’ve had a habit, the harder it will be to break.
  2. How deeply engrained the lies are. Sometimes you’ll be surprised at how quickly God changes your attitudes and actions when you start renewing your mind. But with most projects, the lies are so deeply engrained that you’ll have to renew your mind about the same lies over and over again before you believe the truth at a deep enough level to change you. If those habits and lies have been in your family for generations, it will take a lot of truth to blast them and their accompanying behavior out of your mind.
  3. How often you give up. One of my earliest renewing of the mind projects was the “lose weight and keep it off” project. I was expecting it to take a couple of months, but instead it took years before I started living in victory. The reason it took so long is that I’d renew my mind for a little while, then give up because I wasn’t seeing results. I would have changed more quickly if I’d continued to faithfully renew my mind, even when it didn’t seem like it was working.
  4. How often you renew your mind. I finally broke free from the control of food when I made and followed through on the commitment to renew my mind every single time I broke my boundaries. I needed that time with God to change the way I thought about food.
  5. How much effort you put into renewing your mind. In my pre-kid life I worked at a bank and often went to the gym after work. Sometimes I went to the gym, skipped the work out, and just sat in the jacuzzi. I was at “the gym” but I wasn’t getting in shape. The same is true for our time with God. Going to the couch with our Bibles on our lap won’t do anything for us. We need to be actively engaged with God and His Word if we expect Him to change us.
  6. How complicated the project is. Sometimes when you start a renewing of the mind project, it feels like you’re starting with a ball of yarn that is so tangled, you can’t even find the end of the string. You have all kinds of emotions, memories, and lies feeding into the habit, and the project feels almost too overwhelming to tackle. For me, weight loss, procrastination, and insecurity about writing have all been “big ball of yarn” projects. With weight loss and procrastination, it took years to reach the point where I was living in victory. I’m still not there with insecurity/fear, but the ball of yarn is getting pretty small.
  7. What else God wants to teach you along the way. This is a tricky one because there’s no doubt: God wants us to break free from controlling habits and negative emotions. He could do that in a flash, but He usually doesn’t because He has other lessons He wants to teach along the way. If you’ve been working on a project for awhile, don’t get discouraged. God loves you. He wants to help you with it. Try to rest in His love and trust Him to set you free in His time. He’s far better equipped to be in control than we are.When You Feel Like You'll Never Change

Are you feeling like you’ll never change?

If you’re currently feeling like you’ll never change, ask yourself this question, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much effort am I putting into renewing my mind?” If it’s less than an 8 or 9, consider getting an accountability partner to help you renew your mind. It will also help to read back over the list above and see how many of those factors apply to your renewing of the mind project.

If you’re trying to break free from a habit, also ask the question, “Do I have boundaries?” and then, “Am I renewing my mind every time I break them?” You may also want to consider seeing a counselor if you need some extra help.

As you ask yourselves these questions and continue to go to God for help with transformation, remember these Bible verses:

Do you ever feel like you'll never change, no matter how hard you try? God will change us, but how quickly He changes us depends on these 7 factors.

  • For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6
  • Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. Galatians 6:9

God is faithful! He’ll change us. We just need to keep going to Him for help.

Related Posts:

  • How to Stop Being Angry – 12 Tips
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  • How To Renew Your Mind
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Comments

  1. TC Avey says

    March 31, 2016 at 5:35 am

    Great post. Thanks for reminding me to set boundaries. Some boundaries are easy to set, “I won’t snack before bed”. Others can be more fuzzy, “when I start to feel frustrated I’ll renew my mind before I snap at someone”
    This can be tricky because some days small frustration roll off me and other times it hits home before I even realize it. But going to God each time I mess up helps me learn faster and I can see progress even though it’s not as fast as I’d like.

    • Barb Raveling says

      March 31, 2016 at 7:53 am

      I know what you mean, TC, about some boundaries being fuzzier. One of my boundaries it to renew my mind whenever I find myself being fearful about anything writing related – but sometimes it’s hard to recognize that feeling so I don’t always catch it until it’s big.The nice thing though, like you said, is that we can see progress. Not perfect, fast-as-we-want progress, but progress nonetheless! Thanks for sharing your experience.

  2. Trina says

    March 31, 2016 at 7:43 am

    I feel like i wrote this because everything u said i can relate… My habits are pride, anger, food…. Just to name a few. And when i allow these things to reign in me, i feel defeated and i wonder if i will ever change… Thanks for sharing and will the scriptures tou gave to my everyday thinking.

    • Barb Raveling says

      March 31, 2016 at 7:56 am

      I know what you mean, Trina, about feeling defeated and wondering if we’ll ever change. I’m so thankful God is faithful and that He keeps pursuing us, even when we may not be very fun to pursue. :) Thanks for commenting and sharing your experience!

  3. Kellie Cavel says

    March 31, 2016 at 9:57 am

    Thank you so much for this post today. It is exactly what I needed to read!!

    • Barb Raveling says

      March 31, 2016 at 10:08 am

      I’m so glad, Kellie!

  4. Floyd says

    March 31, 2016 at 12:56 pm

    Thanks, Barb. Regardless of where we are on our path of life, these are wise and encouraging words. The gym and yarn analogy really hit home for me. How I love a good analogy and a parable!

    God gives us His strength to strengthen our will. My friend, Bill, “The Cycle Guy”, quoted someone and I can’t remember who it was, but it’s a powerful quote that I have printed on a sticky pad and keep on my computer to remind me of our free will and His strength;

    “You can’t change what you are willing to tolerate”. Sounds like something you might say.

    • Barb Raveling says

      March 31, 2016 at 1:40 pm

      Wow, I LOVE that quote, Floyd! I’m going to have to add it to a sticky note too! Thanks for adding to the discussion!

  5. jblairlane says

    March 31, 2016 at 2:05 pm

    So true, so true! I’ve often pictured my food habit being an onion that the Lord has had to peel back layer by layer… each layer makes me cry for a bit before I am ready for the next removal. That one goes really deep, but I’m seeing more and more progress. And yes, making a commitment to consistently renewing my mind and really seeking God’s truth has been a huge factor in shifting the tide.

    • Barb Raveling says

      March 31, 2016 at 4:18 pm

      I love the part about how each layer makes us cry. :) So true! The strange thing is that so often I think that giving up whatever it is that I’m hanging onto is going to make me miserable, but then I give it up and find joy on the other side of submission. God is so incredible. Plus He’s also so creative in the opportunities He gives us to remove the layers!

  6. Ngina Otiende says

    March 31, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    Barb, I just love that example of going to the gym and sitting in a Jacuzzi..brings the point home for me. I’ve been tempted to take the easy route on a couple of areas. i love what you’ve said about keeping at it, even if I am not seeing immediate results. Its not easy but I’ve come to learn that unseen muscles are just as important as those things i see in with my eyes…the journey has to begin somewhere. Thanks for the reminders! Great post!

    • Barb Raveling says

      March 31, 2016 at 10:11 pm

      Thanks, Ngina! I’ve been loving your posts lately! I so appreciate your writing and your blog!

  7. Wise Hearted says

    April 4, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    Oh Barb, this is such a good post, I think you have hit the nail on the head as they say. I read a good quote the other day, “what ever you are willing to tolerate will never change.” That goes for being over weight along with many other issues. I can get so comfortable in my “habit” of thinking I need chocolate when I am stressed, I call it my drug of choice. I even drag others into my comfort zone when I offer them a piece of chocolate. Our son has declared our house a sugar free house, it’s a tough thing to do and I am doing it one at a time, no soda first. Just with that little change the weight started coming off. I hardly ever bake. It’s the late nights that do me in, so I bought an adult coloring book hoping that would. Up until. a few days ago I was doing so good, then wham, my mother is dying and today I found my self self medicating with chocolate, stress induced. Thank God for second and third and many chance God. I can make food my God by eating unhealthy and even make it my God by letting guilt and remorse eat me alive. anyway. like I said, good post.

    • Barb Raveling says

      April 5, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      Oh Betty, I’m so sorry, about your mom. That’s hard! Praying God will comfort you and her as you go through this together. He is so good when we go to Him for help but i know what you mean that it’s not always our first impulse. I love what you said about thank God for second and third and many chance God. So thankful for His grace.

  8. Catherine says

    July 20, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    I was just thinking yet again, I wonder if it’s actually possible for me to break free of this… I’m tired of working this hard, trying this hard and still failing… Seeing the link to this post is very timely. Thank you…

    • Barb Raveling says

      July 20, 2016 at 7:36 pm

      So glad it was helpful, Catherine. I know how hard it is. I never would have believed I could have broken free from the control of food if I hadn’t already seen God change me in other areas. It can be done, but like you said it takes a lot of work – a lot of renewing of the mind work. :) Praying God will give you victory.

  9. Gail says

    February 5, 2018 at 2:55 pm

    Barb I just found you and your project! Oh how desperately I needed to find this! I have a crippling sin of idolatry of my husband. It has made me terribly needy and insecure and anxious. He us a precious man and a gift from God but never intended to be a god in my life. It has been exacerbated by jealousy that he says is unfounded but that I keep thinking I see evidence for. I know satan wants to render me impotent for the Kingdom of God and destroy our marriage. I have been trying to control and self protect but it’s driven me to torment. I will have no other God’s before Him and I have got to be free of this. I am committing myself to all out war on idolatry and turning my husband and our marriage over to my God. Please pray for me and for us and our precious marriage. It is and he is so very precious and I love him with all of my heart but I will not allow him to be a god in my life. Thank you so much.

    • Barb Raveling says

      February 23, 2018 at 9:40 am

      Hi Gail! I’m praying God will help you to love your husband the way He wants you to love him! I actually think we can love people better when we hold them with open hands. Excited to see what God will do in your life as you pursue Him for help with this. Projects are not easy and often we feel like we’re failing and not making progress, but then over the months and years we can look back and see how far God has brought us. Praying His help for you today with this!

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