When our youngest daughter was born, we gave our 4-year old son a choice: fly with me to Grandma and Grandpa’s to show them the new baby or stay home with his dad and siblings.
He agonized for days over the decision – not because he didn’t love Grandma and Grandpa, but because if he stayed home he would get to spend a night at a friend’s house and watch a movie (which tells you how often they got to watch movies).
This son gets his decision-making capabilities from his mother. We both tend to agonize over decisions.
If you struggle with decisions like I do, here are a few things you can do to make the process less stressful.
How to Make Decisions Without Going Crazy
1. Make a deadline for your decision.
We often drag our decisions out forever, waiting for that illusive perfect option to suddenly appear. Ask yourself: is there a good reason to wait on this decision? If the answer is no, set an early deadline and make the decision.
2. Find out why you’re so obsessed with the perfect decision.
If we’re stressed out by decision making, usually there’s a reason. My four-year old son wanted the best weekend possible. He couldn’t decide if that would be Grandma and Grandpa or the video.
We’re no different. We obsess over decisions because we want something: fun, success, comfort, approval, or even lack of conflict.
The more we learn to make life about God, the less we’ll worry about perfect decisions.
3. Set a timer.
Too often we wear ourselves out thinking about the decision for hours on end. To avoid this energy drain, set a timer. You have x number of minutes to think and pray about your decision. When the buzzer rings, time’s up. No more thinking about the decision until your next decision-making session.
Impossible you say? Read on.
4. Renew your mind.
Even though you say you’re going to move on, your mind won’t want to. It will throw a fit. Make the decision now, it will scream. So what will you do?  You’ll renew your mind every time it shouts. If you renew your mind often enough, it will stop shouting.
If you want some questions to help you see your decision from a biblical perspective, try the Decision Making and God’s Will questions.
5. Accept the unacceptable that you can’t make a perfect decision.
I know what you’re thinking because I’m thinking the same thing: That’s not true. I AM capable of making perfect decisions. I just have to do a little more research!
We perfectionist always think we can do things perfectly if we try hard enough. But we can’t.
Here’s why: We don’t know the future. We don’t know all the variables. And we’re not God. Only He can make perfect decisions. The sooner we drill that truth into our heads, the better.
But here’s the beautiful thing: no matter what decision we make, He can redeem it. He works all things according to His purpose. He can bring good things from our mistakes.
6. Don’t second guess your decision.
Once you’ve made your decision, focus on the good in the path you’ve chosen. Do not focus on the good you’re missing on that other path!  Wipe that from your mind. And don’t even think about changing your mind unless there’s a really good reason to change it. The next step is the key to being able to do that.
7. Thank God.
We have the perfect God. Who needs the perfect life? Go ahead and make decisions and goals. But while you’re working on those goals, never forget: Life is about God – not goals.
And if life is about God, then ANY life is good.
Other Resources:
- Decision Making and God’s Will – 13 Questions That Will Help.
- 9 Questions to Help You Overcome Fear of Failure
- Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God’s Will. By Kevin DeYoung (I love this book!)
- How to Stop Perfectionism in Its Tracks. Podcast by Loren Pinilis at Life of a Steward.
Image courtesy of Michal Marcol at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Question: Do you have a hard time making decisions? Do you have any tips for making decisions?
???Barb???!!! Are you reading my mind? LOL!! I am the worst decision maker ever!! Thank You! This is GREAT! (((HUGS)))
Haha – I guess we’re soul sisters in the decision making department. I’ve realized that’s why writing is so hard for me. Every sentence is a decision!
I actually added another step after I posted this last night. I was thinking, “This post is so dumb. It doesn’t make sense. And why did I change my intro? That other one was so much better,” so I added step #6, “Don’t second guess your decision!”
I know it sounds like I’m not making progress in the perfectionist department, but I am. I can’t wait til I’m living in consistent victory in this area – life will be so much easier. :)
Wow! That’s so true! When I write my blog posts I second guess every sentence! Great way to look at it. Sometimes I can’t decide how to write it! I always pray for guidance- but I know I take control- again. ugh! Sometimes I read it later and think- o.k. it sounds o.k., let it go! LOL! Give it to God. :o)
I just wrote my blog post for Monday in a new record time – less than 30 minutes! Plus it’s a guest post so I sent it off right away and won’t be able to re-think it! Now if I could just start doing that all the time. :)
One step at a time! Or as they say “Rome wasn’t built in a day!” You inspire me! (((HUG)))
oh, yeah! I have a hard time making decisions. I can worry myself sick over big decisions. It’s not healthy and it’s not from God.
I’m learning to step back and rest in God.
Thanks for these tips. I’m going to try your suggestion of setting a time limit on my worry/prayer.
I did this sort of thing when I make mistakes. I used to agonize over my mistakes, but now I set a limit on the amount of time I spend beating myself up. I allow myself to vent, feel sorry for myself and then I ask God to help me let it go and to learn from it. I’m not great at this, but I’ve come a long way. I don’t waste precious hours of sleep over it like I used to.
That’s great that you’re growing in this area, TC. I’ve been trying the time limit approach – not as much for decisions as for jobs that involve decisions. Those are the jobs I have a hard time with when I get to them on my to do list. It’s really been helping.
It is a helpful technique. I really should use it in more areas.
Another reason people struggle to make decisions is fear of upsetting someone. The personality type that most dreads decisions also dreads conflict. My son is like this. I made him decide whether to continue with piano lessons or not. I kept telling him that nothing earth-shattering would happen either way and that I honestly didn’t care either way. I told him he had to do this or he would make his wife insane some day. ;-) He decided to quit and he cringed when he told me like he expected a bomb to go off. LOL It was a great lesson for him that it was O.K. to decide.
Thanks for bringing that up, Melanie. You’re right – I bet that’s one of the biggest reasons. I know it’s been a biggie for me as well.
That’s so great that you’re teaching your son how to deal with that when he’s young. It will really help him when he’s older. The more experience he gets the better!
Very cool post. Just what I needed.
I’m glad it was helpful, Brennen. Thanks for stopping by.
I love all the points Barb, esp #5 and 6! I feel so encouraged (yes i needed an encouraging pat on the back after making some decisions..lol)
I’ve discovered that there’ll always be a better way to do something. given more time, more resources, more input, more energy e.t.c i could always do better. But there is a problem – we don’t have limitless time. Seasons come and go. I am learning to do the best i can with what I have, after all due diligence. I think I’d rather look back and say i did something/made up my mind about something, other than live with a indecision/loss of opportunity hanging over my head. At least am trying to live by this revelation!
Thanks for this post, it was timely
I love your discovery and how it’s affecting your work habits, Ngina. I’m realizing the same thing and it’s helping me with perfectionism. The set a timer tip is also helping me. Today I tried out the Pomodoro Technique for writing: write 25 minutes take a 5 minute break. Repeat. 25 minutes is about my limit of writing without slipping into either perfectionism or mind-boggling boredom so I think the system will really help me!
My wife and I struggle with making decisions, and we’ve found that we are people-pleasing, youngest siblings. A lot of decisions were made for us – so we rationalized how we helped make those decisions. Often times are decisions revolve around not wanting to hurt some one else’s feelings – which is why we agonize. For us we’ve decided that we know we’re very deliberate and careful when making a decision, and that we will not please everyone. Therefore, we have to make the best and most right decision for our family. If we do that, we believe a vast majority of the time we will make good decisions, and have nothing to fear or regret. Great post!
Thanks for commenting, DS. It’s really interesting to hear how you and your wife operate, and how you’ve worked it out. My husband and I are also people pleasers – he’s the youngest of 8 and I’m the 1st middle child of 4. We also have personalities that don’t lend themselves to decision making – he’s a phlegmatic and I’m half sanguine and half melancholic. It’s a wonder we’ve made it through life this far. (We do have a fun household, though.) I’m afraid one of the way’s we’ve made it through life is by putting off decisions as long as possible. Which is a little scary. Thankfully, God continues to work on us.
Great steps! If it’s a big decision I make sure to get wise counsel.I think your points about having a time line is great!
Getting wise counsel is a great idea. Thanks, Dan.
You know – I’ve never really struggled too much with this. Just a very decisive person, I guess. But my wife on the other hand… :)
One of her problems is that she’ll see the benefits and flaws of each decision and get caught in an endless loop of comparison. It’s almost as if she can’t accept the fact that one decision will preclude the other one – so she just agonizes over it. So I think your step of realizing that you can’t make a perfect decision is a really helpful one.
Ha – your wife and I are soul sisters. I do the same thing. :) Lately I’ve taken to just giving myself a 2 sentence lecture – there is no perfect decision, Barb – just make it!
Excellent, Barb!
Thanks for stopping by!
This post was right on time. My biggest problem is second guessing my decisions.
Here’s the funny thing – I added that one in after I had already posted this and was regretting my decision to change the introduction. Obviously, I also have a problem with second guessing!
I really enjoyed this story.
Thanks for stopping by, Michael.