One of the things that’s been hardest for me to work through with writing in general is the feeling that I need to be rewarded for my work. Today’s post is a partial journal entry on that subject.
I’ll include all the questions I asked in case you want to use them for your own goals, but I’ll only include some of my answers so my post isn’t too long.
1. What would you like to accomplish?
2. What will you need to do to accomplish it?
3. Is it a given that if you do what you need to do, you’ll be successful?
No. I’ll only be successful if God either allows it or gives it to me. I have to realize that everything I do comes from Him, and He’s in charge. I can’t guarantee success and it’s presumptuous of me to think I should be able to have it guaranteed.
4. Is it a given that if you do what you need to do, you’ll be more likely to succeed?
Yes.
5. If you want to reach this goal, what risks will you need to take?
I will need to risk money (i-phone apps and e-books), time, reputation, people thinking I’m a know-it-all, and people condemning and judging me.
6. What will you need to accept?
That I might fail. That I might go to all this work and sacrifice and never achieve the success I desire. That people might condemn me or dislike me in the process.
7. If you do all that you need to do and still fail, can God use that situation for good in your life?
Yes.
8. What could He teach you through failure?
To see life through His eyes. To see what’s really important. To have the same heart for His people that He has. To sacrifice with a willing-to-die-for-others love. To let go of my idols – my “right” to the fair life, my desire to be validated, my need to be liked. To appreciate the beauty of sharing in the fellowship of His suffering and walking with Him on the sidelines.
Here’s what I wrote in my journal after listing all of the above benefits of failure: It looks like failure might be the best option!
9. Are you willing to take the risks you need to take to reach your goal?
Yes.
10. Are you willing to make the effort you’ll need to make to reach this goal?
I think so.
11. What can you thank God for?
His truth, His clarity, His selflessness, His love, His sovereignty, His holiness, that He doesn’t let me get away with sin, that He doesn’t only care about me helping others – He also cares about me and He wants to protect my love for Him, His knowledge, His wisdom, His insight, His habit of using all things for good – even failure.
Whenever I journal on this subject, I start out feeling selfish and entitled. I end up feeling thankful, repentant, and willing to die to love others well. This is a hard area to overcome because we’ve been so instilled with our culture’s ideas that life is about us – and that we deserve to be rewarded for our efforts. The only way I can hang onto God’s attitude in this area is to cling to His Word and keep going back to it every time I need an adjustment.
You’re post evoked many thoughts and feelings as I read through. Too much to share in a simple comment.
However, you brought tears to my eyes thinking of how much God loves ME…not just what I can/should do for Him. I tend to be task oriented and associate love/praise by jobs well done. But God isn’t like that. He loves me even though I fail ALL the time! His love NEVER changes! That’s pretty powerful stuff. Now I pray this epiphany will seep into my soul and free me from the guilt of needing to prove I am worthy of love!
This post also spoke to me about our nation…failure is the best option! I think Romney NOT winning will be the best thing for us. I know it’s driving me to my knees and showing me the things in my life that really don’t matter.
That’s a beautiful response, TC. I agree that it’s hard sometimes to feel deep down under how much God loves us. The thing that really helped me feel loved on a regular basis was praying through the Insecurity Bible verses I posted on my blog awhile back. It is wonderful to meditate on how much He loves us. Also, it’s good to see your reaction to the election. I looked for a blog post from you in the days following the election and didn’t see one – I was hoping to see your take on it.
It’s so cool to see the mental and spiritual journey as you ask these questions. We face a lot of fear and hesitance simply because we haven’t thought through the issues this plainly. Thinking this way helps us also to reorient our definition of success – instead of stats or readers, it’s simply just being faithful.
It’s surprising to me what a struggle it’s been to see these issues from God’s point of view – an ongoing struggle but I’m definitely making progress!
Great points Loren.
I know if I’m faithful and consistent in doing God’s will the blessing or reward will come. The reward is not a driving force (Though it’s on the list of reasons why I write) but it’s in seeing that I have made an positive impact on someones life that truly is rewarding.
I needed to hear that, Dan. Faithful and consistent in doing God’s will. The more I focus on just doing what God wants me to do, the more at peace I’ll be. In a way, He is the reward – fellowship with Him. Helping others is also a delightful reward. Thanks for the insights.
Amen!
I needed this post today. I keep questioning whether it’s worth it–especially on days like today when I haven’t “failed” per se, but have been rewarded for my efforts with nothing but unkind criticism. I read a post that said questioning your calling to write is like questioning if marriage is right for you when you don’t get along. Good point. But I’m still struggling with whether or not it’s worth it to try to expand my reach. The time required comes at my family’s expense. Then I wonder if I’m experiencing opposition BECAUSE I’m doing the Lord’s will in trying to expand my reach. Only time in prayer will tell me. It helps to know others struggle with the same things, Barb. Your blog is a blessing.
I always thought it would be nice if God would just spell it out – THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO, BARB! But of course He doesn’t do that. Even though it seems like life would be so much easier that way. I’ve found, though, that He always has things to teach me through the struggle and even through the decision making process.
Do you think sometimes God says, whatever you want to do is fine with me? And other times He definitely wants us to go one way or the other? I suppose if that’s true the key is to find which of those situations we’re in. I agree with your conclusion – the best approach is to pray about it.
That’s EXACTLY it, Barb. I agree with you that sometimes either choice is okay. I do think my biggest problem is having gotten direction from God, I worry about it and question it. If I know what to do right now, that’s really all I need to know, isn’t it? ;-)
I’m in a much better frame of mind today because I spent a blessed hour of uninterrupted time with the Lord.
Ha – that’s a good point! “If I know what to do right now, that’s all I need to know.” Loren at http://www.lifeofasteward.com wrote a good post once – or maybe a podcast – on using time that impacted me. The main point as I remember it was to ask God what to do each day and then do it. I haven’t been able to get in that habit but it’s definitely a goal of mine.