Have you ever thought, if only he or she would change, then I’d be happy?
The he in question might be a spouse who is criticizing you, a child who is arguing with you, or a friend who is bailing on you.
Whoever it is, the complaint is always the same: I’m unhappy because he’s doing such and such.
In a world of I-deserve-a-great-life and I-can-solve-any-problem-if-I-set-my-mind-to-it, it’s easy to buy into the philosophy that not only do others need to change so we can be happy, but that it’s actually possible to change other people.
When I first started truth journaling, I believed both of those lies. It was a major revelation to me the day I realized I couldn’t change everything I didn’t like in life.
You see, I had been operating under the false impression that if I could just come up with the right argument, the people in my life would change and start doing things my way.
So I spent 15 years trying to come up with the right argument.
I never found it.
Instead, God blessed me by not giving me what I wanted. And because I didn’t get what I wanted, I turned to Him instead.
Thank God.
He more than made up for the trials. He was everything I ever wanted and more. He still is.
Trials are always worth it if we turn to God for help. He gives us character, the fruit of the spirit, and a closer walk with Him.
They’re rarely worth it if we don’t turn to Him. Trials without God lead to bitterness, immaturity, negative emotions, unhealthy coping techniques, and distance in our relationship with Him.
Trials aren’t neutral. They can be a blessing or a curse. It all depends on who or what we turn to for help.
That’s why I love to renew my mind. It’s an intimate way to talk through my problems with God. He draws me close and shows me another way to look at life.
His way.
And when I see life from His perspective, it always looks good.
Even when it’s not.
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P.S. If you want to try truth journaling, here are a few posts on the subject: Truth Journaling, Truth Journaling: the List Method, The Embarrassment of Blogging, and If He Loved Me, He Wouldn’t Say Those Things.
Who we turn too…wow, that’s a HUGE help for me. Definitely blessed me there. I know I’ve had my share of turning to just “junk food” of life whenever I went through troubles and struggles. I’m learning more and more that the only way I’ll survive is through the power of Jesus Christ and God’s strength, power and providence ONLY. I am nothing and can do nothing but through HIM I can do ALL things. God Bless!
Thanks, Kendall. I’m glad it was helpful. I’m afraid we all turn to “junk food” at times. The more areas of my life I get in the habit of going to God first for, the better my life is. My current renewing-of-the-mind project is learning how to go to Him for all the issues tied up with writing. It was fun visiting your blog – I really liked the idea of your My Plans-God Plans list on your May 28th post – I’ll have to try that!
Barb, I can definitely relate. Not only did I try different arguments, but I just tried to BE better. I thought if I was just good enough, people wouldn’t behave so badly. I only succeeded in making myself crazy. Great topic!
Hmmm . . . it’s too bad I didn’t think of that one, Melanie. At least maybe I could have improved myself in the process! Although the end product was still the same – driving myself crazy. Life is so much better when we go to God, isn’t it?
A huge amen to that! :-) Um really enjoying your blog. Keep up the great writing!
“When I see life from His perspective, it always looks good.” Amen! I was one of those individuals who tried to adjust myself to fit with others rather than trying to get them to see things my way. I am so much happier now letting them be, and focusing on being who God created me to be. Happiness for me is all about where I place my focus. Great post Barb. Thanks!
“Happiness for me is all about where I place my focus.” This is so true, Deb. And the nice thing about it, is that we have the potential to be content in any situation – all we need to do is go to God and get the right focus. Too bad the “all we need to do” part is sometimes so hard to make ourselves do!
Seems like when I turn to Him, which I try to do often and quickly, He shows me what I can change within myself. Could be a way of thinking or a bad habit or whatever. He also gives me the grace to do what is needed, usually enduring through or getting out of the situation. Relationships are too difficult to do without Him, that’s for sure. Good post. Struggling through to victory is the path He always takes me on, and that path is always what’s best for me.
“He shows me what I can change within myself.” This is so true. I always start out seeing the faults of the other person and end up seeing my own faults.
In seeing my own faults, He also shows me His grace. WIthout it, I get too overwhelmed by my own imperfection. He helps me to keep moving forward even knowing that I will mess up again because I know His grace is sufficient.
Thanks for the reminder, Kari – His grace. He loves us even though we’re sinners.
Thanks for helping put things back into perspective. But I’m perfect ;P Just kidding. It’s so true though that when we fail to let God into our trials and frustrations we grow bitter or turn to unhealthy habits. BTW, can’t wait to finish your study. I’ve been moving through it slowly, but you’ve helped so much in my growth.
Thanks, CJ. I’m so glad it’s helping. It makes it all worth writing!
I felt the same way. What was wrong with me? Then I saw shows (many years ago) like Oprah, Dr Pill. They said “If you “let” people treat you a way you don’t like and stay with them; you are saying it’s ok to treat you this way.”
WHAT!!??
The world wooos you with these things as if they are the Truth. They are not. It took a long time to see I was fine, if they didn’t like me, that didn’t mean I wasn’t o.k.
I needed to work on being o.k. with God!
And living with a man who was not following his faith, did not mean I thought it was o.k. to talk mean to me. We made a vow- for better or worse. I keep my vows!
Cling to Christ, re-new your mind. They may not change, but my changes of growth in Christ are better than I ever never imagined! :o)
Hope that makes some sense! :o)
Yay, Elizabeth! That makes perfect sense. You’re a wonderful testimony of a woman submitted to God and loving well even when you have to sacrifice to do it. Jesus allowed people to not treat him well, and it was an act of power, love, and obedience to God – not a sign of weakness or that He was saying it was okay for people to treat Him that way.