A couple of weeks ago, I received the following email:
My mornings with God have been wonderful, and I’m enjoying the “sweet fellowship” that you mention in your book. However, it seems by mid afternoon and evening my thoughts are not on God at all!
I’m breaking boundaries, I’m in lazy mode, entitlement mode, and indulging mode, and it seems that it happens so fast….like there is no separation between thought and action. I can look back with 20/20 hindsight and see what’s happened, but I feel powerless (on auto-pilot) in the moment. How do I catch myself so I am not caught off guard?
Maybe just recognizing that it’s happening regularly is a good first step. I almost want to set the alarm on my phone! :-/ Do you have anything on your website that addresses this? I so want to believe that I am not the only one who deals with this!
Because almost all of us struggle with this same issue, whether it’s with eating or some other area of our lives, I thought I’d answer it in a blog post. I decided to do it today because I’m in this exact frame of mind right now and I need help! Here are 6 steps to breaking out of the afternoon and evening boundary breaking session.
How to Stop the Evening Boundary Breaking Session
1. Go to God throughout the day as soon as you experience a negative emotion.
This is by far the best way to help with this problem. I started the day with a poor night’s sleep and then nothing seemed to go right during the day.
I had an okay quiet time this morning, but not a great one, and then I haven’t gone to God again for help and it’s now 4:36. All of those negative emotions have built up throughout the day to the point where I feel like my life is a wreck. This makes me want to break boundaries!
I wouldn’t be feeling like that if I’d taken the time to go to God for help throughout the day, throwing off those lies that were discouraging me and putting on the truth that would set me free. I should go to God for help right now, but I’m feeling so depressed I’m having a hard time making myself go.
The timer idea is a good one. I have a friend who sets her timer for 7 times a day to remind herself to renew her mind. If I had done that today, I wouldn’t be having troubles now.
2. Don’t beat yourself up if you do break your boundaries.
I did break my food boundaries just now, but only a very little bit. In the olden days I would have broken them like crazy.
That’s because in the olden days, I would have said, “You already broke your boundaries once; might as well break them again,” then gone into “You’re such a hopeless failure” mode, followed by “You’ll never get over this,” and “You’ll be fat for the rest of your life,” which of course always made me want to eat in despair.
The only reason I’m not doing that now is because I’ve truth journaled those lies so many times I no longer believe them.
I do tend to go into that mode with writing (You’re such a hopeless failure, etc), but at least I don’t break food boundaries. And even though I’m feeling that way today, I’m still finishing out my writing time by writing this blog post!
3. Do something physically active that you actually enjoy.
After writing the last point, I thought, How can I get out of this? I remembered my daughter showing me the “Just dance” videos on YouTube over Christmas and thought, I know, I’ll try that. So I did a search for YMCA Just Dance and found this video.
I clicked on the guy with the sombrero and started dancing. After only three minutes of dancing in the kitchen, trying to follow that sombrero guy’s moves, I was feeling about 75% more cheerful. There are all kinds of these videos on YouTube and if you like to dance, they’re fun to try.
4. Call a friend, organize a drawer, start a craft project, or get out of the house.
If doing something physically active doesn’t work for you, try calling a friend, organizing something, starting a crafts project, or getting out of the house–anything to help you break out of that lazy, indulgent, entitled state.
5. Go back to God again as soon as you can make yourself do it.
I hate it when I can’t make myself go back to God until the end of the day, but sometimes those days just happen. If you can get a little momentum going with one of those last suggestions, it may be easier to get back to God and work through all of the lies that are putting you into a bad mood in the first place.
6. Remember that tomorrow is another day.
Lamentations 3:22-23 tells us, “The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”
This is true! God isn’t going to reject me just because I had a bad day. He loves me in my as-is condition. Great is His faithfulness! The other truth is that life won’t feel like this every day.
I remember when the kids were young and I had a bad day of homeschooling. It always seemed like it was soon followed by a good day. That will be true for us too with our habits. If we keep pursuing God, keep taking off those lies and putting on the truth, eventually we will change! We just need to trust in God.
If you’d like help with pursuing God in the area of weight loss, keep reading.
New Taste for Truth Weight Loss Bible Study Starting 3/7/2016
Beginning next Monday, Jules Lane will be leading a Taste for Truth online Bible study. If you’d like to join in, click here for details.
There isn’t a lot of time to order books, but you should be able to read the first few lessons for free by going to Amazon and clicking on the “look inside” link by the picture of the Taste for Truth book.
If You Received 2 Emails Today
For some reason I had an email glitch today. I’ll try to figure out what happened so you shouldn’t need to do anything about it. My new email sender is Mail Chimp, which is the one that just sent an excerpt rather than the whole post. I’ll be deleting the mailing list from WordPress, which is the one that sent the whole post, so this should be the only time you receive two posts.
Discussion Question:
When are you most likely to break your boundaries? Do you have any tips for stopping the mid-afternoon or evening boundary breaking session? Share them in the comments!
Ngina Otiende says
This is so good Barb, and so timely for me! (its evening, just about to finish my work day and am wondering what it is I’ve done the whole day..many scattered UNFINISHED projects!) #1 and 2 speak to me. I like to take breaks to do something different.. because change is as good as rest…most of the time anyway. but sometimes I fuss at myself for taking the breaks or resting. Thanks for this! Needed it right now!
Melissa says
I do have alarms on my phone because I totally relate to the afternoon and evening boundaries going out the window. Perfect timing. Thanks for all the ideas! I have your books and app, so in my alarm I have reminders to read one of those, pray, renew. i just have to follow through.
Barb Raveling says
Thanks, Melissa. I really need to try a timer one of these days. Even if I just did it on those days when I know life will be stressful, it would help. Thanks for the encouragement!
Barb Raveling says
Hi Ngina, I’ve had those days! I recently started having a focus for each day – one day blog posts, one day Bible study writing, etc, and that’s helping me feel more like I accomplished something that day. And when it’s unfinished (which it often is), at least there’s only ONE unfinished project. :) I’m like you though – i also like change so the hard part of my new system is that there’s less change during the day!
Lisa Graziano says
I greatly appreciate this post, as it speaks to the biggest struggle I face. I can have all the commitment in the world until I get home from work, then I plow through my boundaries as if I am possessed by an “I want to be fat forever” demon! Thanks for the great tips! Looking forward to the study!!
Barb Raveling says
You’re so funny, Lisa. I love the “I want to be forever” demon. :) I’m so glad the post was helpful and also glad that you’re doing the study. I think Julie will be a great teacher, plus it’s so nice to have a group to support you in the battle!
Floyd says
The common denominator looks to be “idle mind” mentality. Great idea about dancing or any other projects at night or afternoons.
One of the oldest tricks in the book is to work out so hard during the day that you’ve got to eat something with protein to heal the muscles. I’ll cut my dinner a bit short so that a couple hours later I’ll be hungry and can then eat a Quest bar for desert. If you haven’t tried one you’re missing out! They have 4 grams net carbs, 1 gram of sugar, and 21 grams of protein. Double chocolate chip is my favorite.
Barb Raveling says
Wow! I haven’t heard of those bars. They sound good and also pretty healthy! Thanks for the tip!
wearlovenow says
Barb…your tips and insights are always so spot on…glad you addressed this one as my God-energy usually wanes as the day goes on….I think I will try the phone alarm system.
BTW…I LOVE your new site…very fresh and happy…like you!
Barb Raveling says
Thanks, Becca, so glad you like the new site! I’m also planning to try the phone alarm system. Now I just need to implement it!
Terri says
Loved this subject. I have a water app on my phone to remind myself to drink my minimum 8 glasses of water. I will be reminding myself at this time to Go to God for strength and encouragement and keeping my boundaries in tact! Thank you
Barb Raveling says
Thanks, Terri. That’s a great idea! After posting this blog post, I finally took my friend’s advice and set 5 alarms on my phone to ring during the day. When they ring, I stop and pray and renew my mind if I need to. I’ve only been doing this for a few days now but I can’t believe what a difference it’s making. I’m much more likely to not go into fear mode because I catch the fears early. I think it would be really helpful for sticking to boundaries as well. Would love to hear how it goes if you get a chance to come back and tell me!
TC Avey says
I’m learning the importance of going to God throughout the day…learning how to “pray without ceasing”
When I stay in fellowship with God my decision making matches His will. All too often I veer off path but the closer I get to Him the easier it is to get back on the right path and fellowship with Him.
Great advice, Barb. Very encouraging.
Barb Raveling says
That’s great that you’re learning how to pray without ceasing, TC. Have you ever read Brother Lawrence’s book, The Practice of the Presence of God? I really liked that one about praying without ceasing. I’ve been setting alarms on my phone lately to remind me to pray and that is really helping.
senkyoushi says
I have been so discouraged this evening and decided to visit your blog and see what I could find that might help. This post was the first one up and it is EXACTLY what I need. Thank you!
Barb Raveling says
I know how hard those discouraging evenings can be! So glad the post was helpful.
kcastillo0319 says
Excellent thoughts, but I could do without the tempting photos. I almost shut down the page because of the photo but decided to read anyway. I like your app. It’s been helping. Thank you. Kay
Barb Raveling says
Sorry about that, Kay! It’s so hard to find pictures to go with weight loss blog posts that I decided to just go the easy route with this one since it’s always easy to find pix of food – but I agree, that food looks a little too good! Will try to find less tempting pictures in the future! Also, I’m so glad that the app is helping!