Insecurity: Feeling Rejected and Condemned Questions

When I first started writing this blog, I was convinced that everyone would condemn me. I wasn’t so worried about the people I didn’t know. I was  worried about the people I did know.

In my mind they were saying things like, Who does she think she is writing a blog? or What a know-it-all! After all, I was just a normal person. No degrees in psychology. No degrees in counseling. Not even a degree in english.

I wrote these questions to help with my own fears. My guess is that you’ve experienced similar fears.  Sometimes with good reason, and sometimes not. Either way these questions will help.

Use them to have a conversation with God, or try writing the answers in a journal, taking little breaks to talk to God along the way.

These questions are also available in I Deserve a Donut (And Other Lies That Make You Eat).

Feeling Rejected and Condemned Questions

1. Is it possible to live life without ever being rejected or condemned? If not, what’s the sad truth you’ll have to accept right from the beginning?
2. What did this person do to make you feel rejected or condemned? Be specific.
3. Does he do this sort of thing with other people, or does he only do it with you? (If he only does it with you, why do you think he only does it with you?)
4. Do you think his behavior is a sign that he doesn’t love or respect you in particular, or is this just an example of the way he responds to people in general?*
5. Did you do anything to make this person reject or condemn you?
   1. Yes:If so, what did you do? How does God feel about what you did? Do you think He wanted you to do that? Why or why not?
      1. Yes: If so, are you willing to be rejected and condemned for God?
      2. No: If not, what do you think God wants you to do now, given the fact that you can’t change what’s already been done? (For example: apologize, make restitution, let it go, try to change, etc.)
      3. Not sure: Was your action loving? If not, was there a good (biblically good) reason for doing it, keeping 1 Corinthians 13 in mind?
      4. God doesn’t care: Would you rather have this person like you and accept you, or would you rather keep doing what you’re doing? (Remember, you can’t control the other person.)
   2. No: If not, is there anything you need to accept about this person and how he handles relationships?
6. Is God’s love enough to satisfy you even if this person rejects or condemns you?
7. What do you think God wants to do for you in the midst of this difficult situation? (See insecurity verses for ideas.)
8. Who are you in God’s eyes? (Spend some time on this one.)
9. How do you think God wants you to respond to this person who is condemning or rejecting you? **
10. Is there anything you need to accept?

*Note: Don’t assume this person is mad at you or condemning you. She might have other things going on in her life that are making her act this way, or she may just have a negative personality.

Also, if this person is treating you with disrespect, you may need to put up some boundaries. If this person is abusive or potentially abusive, please call someone to help you as soon as possible. Don’t try to handle it by yourself.

Possible things you’ll need to accept with feeling rejected or condemned: that you can’t make everyone love and respect you no matter how hard you try, that you’re not always easy to love and respect (none of us are), that if people are going to love and respect you, they’ll have to love and respect the real and imperfect you, and that no one except God is capable of loving and accepting perfectly: we all have weaknesses that keep us from loving and respecting others well.

Possible things you’ll need to confess with feeling rejected or condemned: caring more about getting others to love and respect you than about getting yourself to love and respect others, doing things God doesn’t want you to do (or not doing things He wants you to do) in order to get others to love and respect you, making an idol of other people’s opinions of you, and making an idol of relationships.

If you’d like some Bible verses on this subject, click on this link: Insecurity Bible verses