When my husband and I were newlyweds, we taught a class on dating and marriage at a Bible camp.
To get the discussion going, we’d ask the teenagers, “What would you do if you woke up one day, looked at your spouse, and thought, ‘I don’t love this person anymore’?”
The most common answer was, “I guess we’d just get a divorce.”
This was disconcerting because the truth is, if you’re married, there’s a good chance that one day you’ll look at your spouse and think, I don’t like you very much.
The question is, what are you going to do when that happens?
That depends on your level of commitment.
How Do You Define Commitment?
The word commitment has different meanings for different people. For some it means, “I’ll commit to you as long as life is good. I’m in this for what I can get out of it.”
For others it means, “I’ll commit to staying with you, but I’m not willing to put any effort into the relationship.”
And for still others, it means, “I will stay with you through thick and thin, and I will do everything in my power to love you well, even if it means I have to sacrifice to do it.”
This is a question we have to ask in our relationships with God as well: What will we do when we wake up one morning and realize, “I don’t feel close to God”?
The answer to that question will depend on our level of commitment and our theology.
The Theology of Idolatry
For some reason we think, “Of course, it’s wrong to commit adultery, but everyone struggles with idolatry—and since everyone struggles with idolatry, it’s okay.”
All you have to do is go to Blue Letter Bible and do a search for idol, idols, and idolatry to realize, idolatry is not okay with God.
Just as a spouse would expect us to get rid of a lover, God expects us to get rid of our idols. The question is, What is our level of commitment?
The third step in breaking free from idolatry is to make a commitment to: a) work on your relationship with God and b) get rid of your idols.
Journal/Prayer Activity
One of the ways to keep a marriage alive is to spend time doing things together. The same is true in a relationship with God. Here are three activities you could do with Him:
- Read Psalm 77:7-14. Spend some time remembering and thanking Him for the things He has done for you in the past.
- Read Luke 5:16 and 6:12, and plan a day long retreat with God.
- Do an “around-the-living-room” prayer session. Spend 3-5 minutes in each chair or spot on the couch and talk to God about a different subject every time you move to a new spot. Spend the first three minutes praising Him.
P.S. For the rest of the summer, I’ll be posting more sporadically as I’m trying to get both my Donut questions and 30 Day Weight Loss Bible Study ready for publishing–plus I want to get out there and enjoy the summer!
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
Question:Do you have any suggestions of things to do on a retreat with God or examples of retreats you’ve taken?
Wow Barb this got me thinking. What a timely message for me! I have the opposite problem right now. My husband doesn’t like me very much. Just the regular stuff………feelings woah-woah-woah- feelings!. So do I take my attention away from God who ALWAYS loves me to win his “feelings” back? Do I put all of my attention on this to help me “feel” better? Or do I ride through this in God’s arms? Well I know the answer! :o) My commitment remains the same whether he loves me or not. But it is definitely a pull away from God during rough times- my rough times and my husband’s rough times. Easily I could take my eyes off of Him. But why? He LOVES me every second of every day! :o)
((((HUGS)))
So sorry to read about your situation, Elizabeth. Said a prayer for you!
Thank You so much Kari! (((HUGS)))
Elizabeth, I’m so sorry things are rough. As I was reading your comment I was listening to the John Michael Talbot Pandora station, and this was the song that was playing:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wOhVh2bct8. I thought it would be comforting. Here are the lyrics: http://www.christianlyricsonline.com/artists/fernando-ortega/jesus-king-of-angels.html. Will pray for you!
Thanks Barb! Love this song! Fernando Ortega was my daughter Angel’s (in Heaven) favorite Christian singer! :o)
(((HUGS)))
Prayed for you also Elizabeth…you are so right God does love you every second of every day.
Knowing that commitment can mean different things to different people is important to help gain perspective. It’s also helpful to realize where your definition falls short of God’s. Focusing on commiting as He desires is SO important. And likening marriage to our relationship with God helps better understand both, plus it’s a scriptural analogy.
Thanks, Kari. I was thinking of how hard all commitments are to follow through on at times. I think we expect it to be easy–but most good things don’t come easy!
I like to go on long walks to talk and listen to God.
That’s great, Bernard. I just started running a couple of weeks ago, and I’ve been using that time to talk to God and also to praise Him as I listen to music while I’m running. It’s nice.
Awesome post, Barb. It isn’t about just feelings, it is about the discipline and the ascent of our will. My time is an in depth Bible study; a breakdown of the history, the background, the translations of key words, and the application as if preparing a sermon.
I like that “around the living room, thing”! Gonna do that! Thanks, Barb.
“As if you’re preparing a sermon.” That’s great, Floyd. I love that you put so much time and effort into your BIble study. I don’t do a lot of research other than the occasional Blue Letter Bible commentary, but I do love Greek. I took it for a few years when my son was taking it – I figured since I had to drive him, I might as well learn it myself. At the time it was a huge sacrifice because my kids were little and it took a lot of time, but I’m so glad I learned it as it’s incredibly enriching for study.
That’s really cool that you and your son took Greek. Really cool…
I only wish I’d been able to come to this point without having gone through what I have. That being said, it took getting a divorce from a woman I loved (but I was in the wrong place), going through a desert and getting remarried – and then refocused on God – to start learning.
I’ve learned that I may not always like my spouse – but she is a gift to me, a part of me, ME! – and I should never despise what He has given me. I have learned that there is *nothing* that cannot be worked out or talked out.
The relationship with the ex? Better in many ways than it was when we lived under the same roof – she and my wife are friends, even :)
“I should never despise what He has given me.” That’s good advice. Even when He sends (or allows) hard times, it’s a gift as long as we go to Him for help and learn the lesson He wants us to learn. The more I focus on being thankful in all areas of my life, the better.
The other part of that, of course, is that *I* am not always a blessed ray of sunshine for her – but she loves me even when she may not like me all that much, and I draw on her as she draws on me – and we draw on God :)
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could always be blessed rays of sunshine? Unfortunately, it doesn’t always happen!
Oh yeah, I almost forgot – the title? When You Don’t Feel Close To God – make no mistake as to who moved :)
Thanks for bringing that up, Rick. That’s the wonderful thing about God – He’s always faithful. He always wants to “work on the relationship.”
Love the idea of praying in various chairs/places in our home!
The first part of your post reminds me of what a sociology professor said back in college- “marriage is what keeps you together when you fall in and out of love”.
Marriage is the commitment because feelings do change and feelings are fickle.
So if marriage is the “commitment” in a relationship, what could one say is the glue that holds the relationship with God together? God would say our Salvation purchased through the cross. But if we don’t value the cross and the costliness of His grace, that isn’t something that will hold us to Him when our feelings scream at us that serving God isn’t fun.
It goes back to spending time with God, learning about the cross, learning about God…that will help us value our salvation over the idols that pull at us.
That’s an interesting question, TC. I suppose you could say that marriage makes it harder to break up – but people still do, and they also still stay marriage but live in emotionally separate worlds. So even though they’re married, it still takes time and sacrifice to stay emotionally close.
With God – and maybe with marriage too – it seems like it takes a daily dying to self and also time spent with Him and in His Word. Maybe they’re similar that way, too. They both begin with a commitment, but need ongoing work to sustain at both the behavioral and emotional level.
Great question and great thoughts – thanks, TC!
I think you’re right, they both begin with commitment but we have to continually re-commit to staying emotionally and physically connected.
Great insight!
One of the things that has really helped me is journaling. Not only does it help me to write down my thoughts – which has a clarifying property in and of itself – but then I can go back and read past entries. I can see how I prayed fervently for all of these things that bothered me at the time, but now God has answered my prayers.
I love journaling, too. I have gone on occasional truth journaling retreats even when the kids were little – just for a day – but they’ve been incredibly enriching times with God. That’s great that you take the time to do it, Loren. I think it makes a big difference.
Hi Barb — I absolutely adore this post!
Love this exceedingly creative idea:
Do an “around-the-living-room” prayer session. Spend 3-5 minutes in
each chair or spot on the couch and talk to God about a different
subject every time you move to a new spot. Spend the first three minutes
praising Him.
You’re SO right about the definition of “commitment” — it seems to be very subjective, doesn’t it?
P.S. A bouquet of thanks for visiting my blog today and posting a beautiful comment. :)
Thanks, Melanie! I enjoyed your blog as well – look forward to coming back for future wisdom. :)
Great original ideas, Barb. I am yearning for more time with the Lord these days.
It’s hard when you have a bunch of children at home. I’m in an easy spot where I can wake up and have as much time with God as I’d like as there is no one interrupting me. There are at least a few perks of the kids growing up and leaving – although I loved those days when they were all home.
I walk/jog several times a week so turn those times as well as my morning commute into time to connect with God through prayer, conversation, and worship. I value those times. Great post and thoughts Barb!
That reminds me – I’m supposed to run this morning. Just trying to get in the habit. This is my third week. My husband and three of my kids run at the half marathon/Spartan level so I’m thinking I should at least be capable of a 5K! I’ve noticed, too, that it’s a great time to talk to God and worship. That’s great that you do that, Dan.
Great thoughts Barb, i like the lessons on relationships that in here. Right now am learning to balance soaking in the presence of God, just enjoying extended moments of prayer and fellowship and trying to write down everything am learning and hearing. i haven’t yet come to a “balance” or anything, just taking moments as they come. Sometimes it’s important to remember, other times it’s just more important to linger and fellowship than to try and be smart about it..or be “efficient” as Loren says in his current post :)
I love that what you write flows out of soaking in the presence of God, Ngina. I do think the lingering and fellowshipping is important just to make sure we don’t ever make writing more important than God.
the writing i mentioned is journaling… that’s what gets me scattering around! lol. i also wait on God for other kind of writing (blog, books ,talks) but journalism is what makes me distracted sometimes.
And so true any kind of writing can become more important than God, if we are not careful!
Oh, I see, I do that, too – I usually write down what I learn in my quiet times – either in my journal or in the side notes of my Bible (I have a wide margin Bible).
I love your comparison of idolatry to adultery Barb. Very grounded Biblically and helps us have a visual for our relationship with God. Rev and I spend at least an hour just sitting and talking every evening . . . it’s one of the things that has helped to keep us close. I’m making it a goal to spend an hour with the Lord each morning . . . just siting and talking. Thanks for this!
For some reason, my comments don’t always post under the person I’m talking to, Deb – not sure if you got my other comment but it’s right up above this one if you didn’t!
Wow, I love that comparison, Deb. An hour in the morning with God and an hour in the evening with your husband. I’ve been doing the hour in the morning with God (and sometimes in the middle of the night, when necessary!) for years but don’t have the hour in the evening with my husband – what a great habit that would be to develop. Thanks for the example of you and Rev – and for modeling it in your own life. It’s a great example for people to look up to.
Been to lots of retreats and God always came along…wonderful companion. Since my husband and I work together all the time we normally take a retreat from each other, ha, that didn’t sound right, but it works for us.
I love your thoughts and they replies on commitment. Must say we are finding it a shallow thing in the US…it’s sad. In Papua New Guinea the men pay a bride price, pigs. In fact one a drug store in the town near us gave away a pig to get people to shop in their store. Then they gave a few things you could do with your pig. 1. Get another pig and raise baby pigs. 2. Have a huge feast. 3. Buy a wife. Honest truth. Pigs are pretty important in their culture, more important then the wife usually. The amount of pigs tell your wealth which is all about self importance. And I thought pigs were just for eating. Great post Barb, glad I stopped by.
That is so funny about the pigs, Betty! I love hearing about other cultures and how life operates in different places. I agree, it’s sad that our commitment level is shallow in the US, but then again, I’m glad my husband didn’t buy me with a pig. :)
Barb, I always tell people that just because they feel God is distant that doesn’t mean he is! I think one of the reasons we don’t feel close to God is simply because we are lonely. If we are not in regular fellowship with other believers in a good church then it is likely we will feel lonely and far from God. Just about every Sunday I’m reminded of how important that fellowship is. I can go through the week and think that I don’t need it but when I get together with my brothers and sisters in Christ I immediately feel how much I need it.
I think we can get complacent about fellowship when we have so many Christian friends. I’ve talked to kids who have gone to school in Europe and Turkey, and they are so happy when they meet fellow Christians because they’re few and far between – not sure what it’s like where you are, Caleb, but I agree–we need fellowship with other believers.