Barb Raveling

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9 Questions to Ask Before You Start People Pleasing

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Do you ever bite off more than you can chew? That’s what I did last week when I said I would post an entry today to go along with the questions I posted Friday.

Are you ever tempted to say yes when you really want to say no? Next time try using these questions to talk to God about the situation before you give in to people pleasing.

After camping for five days, I was faced this morning with the fact that I had no post ready to go.

It was stressing me out a bit so I did the people pleasing questions in I Deserve a Donut (And Other Lies That Make You Eat). Here’s how it went:

Insecurity: People Pleasing Questions

What is this person expecting you to do?

Post at 5 in the morning my time. (Although in reality, most people don’t even know what day I post much less what time of day I post!)

Are you able to do what this person wants you to do? Why or why not?

No. But I could drop everything and post right now.

Why do you feel like you need to live up to her expectations?

I am such a people pleaser by nature, that I need this question to slap me upside the head and say, Barb, do you really have to do what people expect you to do all the time?

My first thought is, Because they expect me to – I always post on Mondays and Wednesdays. My second thought is, Because Michael Hyatt says I have to (even though of course he is not here at my house telling me I have to). My final thought (ouch) is: Because I want them to think I’m reliable.

Do you think it’s possible to love this person well if you’re always trying to live up to her expectations? Why or why not?

This question is on the app, but it doesn’t really apply here so I skip it.

How would you handle this situation if you didn’t have to worry about disappointing her?

I would wait and write a post after my quiet time. (I wrote this journal entry before my quiet time because I couldn’t focus in my quiet time. I often renew my mind before I start my quiet time if I’m stressed out in some way before hand. This helps me better focus on the Word and my time with God.)

How do you think God wants you to handle this situation?

This of course is the crucial question and the one that really convicted me. Here’s how I answered it: I think he wants me to have my quiet time first and then write a short post (this is it, by the way – what could be shorter than transferring your journal entry to the computer?) so I can do everything else I need to do today. 

Why do you think He wants you to handle it that way?

Because it’s more important to spend time with God than to blog and it’s more important to unpack from camping and get the house caught up today than to spend a lot of time writing.

Is there anything you need to give up to do what God wants you to do?

Yes. Doing what I’m supposed to do to have a successful blog.

Is there anything you need to accept?

Yes. That I don’t have a post ready and that it will have to come out late today.

After I finished renewing my mind, I was able to have my quiet time in peace and also transfer this entry from my journal to the computer in peace. The more often I renew my mind, the sooner I’ll see life and ministry from God’s perspective first time around. But even before that happens – I get the benefit of peace in the here and now.

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Comments

  1. Great picture! Enjoy your peaceful time with God, your memories as you unpack and we’ll look forward to your post later on today!

    • Thanks, boondockma – and I had to laugh when I read your comment – this is actually my post for the day! After all, what could be shorter than to just post my journal entry? I just edited the post to clarify that this was my post for the day as it wasn’t very clear, was it? Thanks for your comment – I’m off to get my work done now. A whole van to unpack and I’m still in my pajamas. I better get going!

  3. Thanks so much for sharing. I have similar conversations with myself and God. Nice to know I’m not alone.
    Don’t sweat the small stuff like blogging. Yes it’s important, but one thing that’s really helped me is to ask myself “If this were the last day I had, what has to be done? What does God really want me to do?”
    You know what, blogging isn’t always top priority. My pasts posts show the world my heart is for God. But my family, friends, etc still need my immediate attention.
    I’m not sure if I’m phrasing this right. It makes sense in my head but that doesn’t mean anything. My heads a scarey place to be sometimes :)

    • Funny, TC. That’s the way I feel about my head – or maybe it’s just my life that’s a little scary with the current level of forgetfulness going on in my head. But yes, you make sense.

  4. I love your honesty. :) I just returned from a two week vacation. I had no access to a computer or internet. I went through similar thoughts. Expectations I put on myself to write two blogs a week to maintain the social platform base.
    Guess what? My stat numbers went down, but the world didn’t stop revolving because I didn’t blog for two weeks. And since I HAD to let go of my expectations, I experienced the freedom to live life more fully and learn ONCE AGAIN that I’m not indispensable..

  5. Great post! Thank You Barb!
    And yes, I never remember what days you post. I just find myself thinking~ “I wonder when Barb’s next post will be?” :o)
    Are Buffalo very predictable that close? I ask because we had a nuisance bear all summer, and it sure put a damper on things!
    p.s. my biggest blogging challenge right now is when God gives me great insight on something to share……………and I decide to nap instead, thinking I’ll remember it later. I don’t. :o(

    • I wouldn’t say buffalo are all that predictable – although to me they are less scary than bears! This guy just walked right through the edge of our camp – we looked over and there he was. Very exciting. :) I have the same memory problem you do – I keep trying to remember to put a notebook by my bed, but I forget to do that too!

  6. “Although in reality, most people don’t even know what day I post much less what time of day I post!” very honest remark there. I love the iphone-app concept! Living up to expectations is a real trial we all face, but the main question is whose expectations matter at the end of the day. In my blogging experience, I am starting to face these questions especially now that I feel I should build a platform. This post helps me know that God’s perspective is important and that His timing is also best. Thanks Barb.

    • I’m learning that platform building can be a real opportunity for growth! Glad the post helped. I just checked out your blog and loved the October 4th post on the 7 lessons you’ve learned in your first 25 years – you are wise beyond your years! Excited to see what God will do in you and through you.

      • Thanks so much Barb. I am truly humbled by your remarks. Thank you for the encouragement about the benefits of platform building. God bless you, I am excited as well. In all may God be glorified in and through our lives.

  7. Thanks for posting this … ironically you not people pleasing actually helped people, me being one of them. Thank you for sharing something real and thank you for taking care of yourself so that you can help others learn how to do the same. I pray that God continues to bless your ministry and wish you a wonderful week.

    PS – The part about “most” people not knowing what day and what time you post is true, I’m on the marketing team in our ministry and can confirm that statement.

    • Hi Theresa! Sorry it took so long to reply to your comment. I’ve been camping for the last week and am just getting back to regular life! I’m glad this post was helpful. It’s so funny to look back at it because now I can go over a month without posting a new post and not even get one tiny bit flustered! Maybe I’m even a little too relaxed. :) Isn’t it great how God uses our struggles to help others? I’m thankful for that! Hope you have a good week too – I did have a great week last week. It was easy because I was camping and hiking in Yosemite National Park all week! My first time there and it was beautiful!